An FF7 Parody
by Sir Edward
Summary: The FF7 group has acidentally unleashed their alter egos. Vincent is the only one who is sane enough to save them form a life of awkwardness. Can he do it? No one knows! Slight charicter bashing, for fun. ENJOY!
1. Chapter 1

This story is a complete and utter laugh at the FF7 world...

Lets just say the characters have accidentally unleashed their alter egos...

Cloud has become a girly cheerleader. Barret has become a quiet and thoughtful man. Tifa has become a fan-girl for Cait Sith, who thinks that he is an airplane. Cid thinks that he is a gay man, and wants Cloud, but Cloud thinks he is a woman. Vincent is the only one who has maintained any sanity, though he seems to have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Red XIII has become a little puppy, even though he is a feline. Yuffie has become a schizophrenic, bipolar, with a fetish for hitting things with a baseball bat. And finally Aeris, dear sweet Aeris, seems to have gained a murderous intent, that can't be sated with just anyone's death...

So sit back and enjoy this very strange, crazed FF7 spoof!

Chapter 1: Madness Ensues!

There came a loud 'thunk' from the other room, and a loud "ZOOOOOM" as Cait Sith flew out of the room.

"Hey! Don't break that! That's not funny!" Squealed Cloud as Yuffie smacked the wall with a large bat.

"Shut up wench! I'll smack you next!" Yuffie screamed.

Vincent came to the door, and touched the doorframe three times, and then entered.

"What is going on in here?" His deep voice cut through Yuffie's shouts.

"VINNY! I WUV YOU!" Shouted Yuffie, flinging her bat down on the ground.

Vincent looked at Cloud, who was dressed in a miniskirt, and a tank top.

"What the hell is going on?" He said, as he observed Cloud dancing like a cheerleader.

"Well, like Yuffie was trying to kill me! And like all that broken stuff is cause she like broke it with that like huge bat thingy!" Cloud said, doing an impossible split, grimacing as he hurt his groin.

"Why are you talking like that?" Vincent asked trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

"SOME ONE IS GOING TO DIE FOR THIS!" Came a gruff alto voice from the kitchen.

"VINNY! CAN I HAVE A HUG? I WUV YOU!" Yuffie screeched, jumping up and down in front of him.

"Some one needs to tell me what the hell is going on! Why are you dressed like that?" He asked Cloud again, earning a head cock, and a large smile.

"I'm a CHEERLEADER!" Cloud yelled, shaking his hips as he did.

"Um... Well..." Vincent got to the doorway, and touched the frame three times before he left the room.

"You are going to pay you little bitch!" Yuffie said, slamming the bat into Cloud's face.

"AHHHHHHH!" Cloud screamed, falling onto the ground, and holding his nose.

"Wow. The weather is great, isn't Cloud?" Yuffie said, looking at Cloud, who was still on the floor.

"Why are you on the floor?" She asked.

"Maba bu ma gah hu!" Cloud mumbled, not really saying anything, because he was crying to hard.

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Meanwhile, Vincent was struggling to find someone who was sane.

He met Cid in the hall way but something seemed a little odd about him.

He was standing in front of a mirror, examining his ass.

"I love tight pants!" He said.

"Do I look sexy?" Cid continued, looking at Vincent with a happy look.

"For who?" Vincent asked.

"CLOUD!" Cid shouted, jumping up into the air.

"Cloud?" Vincent inquired.

"Yes! He is the sexiest man alive! I want in that boys pants sister!" Cid said, snapping his fingers.

Aeris walked in holding a bloody butcher knife.

"I HATE THAT FAT MAN! I JUST CUT HIS THROAT OUT CAUSE HE WOULDN'T GIVE ME MY CHEESE!" She said, stabbing the knife into the side table.

"You WHAT?" Vincent cried, so shocked to hear those words come out of Aeris' mouth.

"I KILLED THAT FAT ASS IN THE SUPERMARKET! HE WOULDN'T GIVE ME THE CHEESE!"

"WHAT?" Vincent still could not believe what he was hearing.

"SHUT UP! I'LL STAB YOU TOO!" She said, snagging the knife up from the table, and pointing it at Vincent's heart.

"But...?" Vincent began.

She lunged at him with the knife, but he dodged it, and took the knife away in one fluid motion.

"Why are you stabbing people Aeris? You never used to do things like this before!" Vincent asked, as he restrained Aeris with his free hand.

"I'LL KILL YOU, YOU BASTARD!" Aeris shouted, trying to knee him in the crotch.

"Like Girlfriend! Calm your self! You're like up here..." Cid indicated, by raising his hand toward the ceiling, "But you need to be down here." He finished, lowering his hand toward the ground.

Vincent contemplated shooting himself with Peace Maker, but thought better of it.

"_Why is everyone going insane?_" He thought to himself, as he felt Aeris' teeth sink into his arm.

"OW!" He let go of Aeris, and she kicked him in the chin, then snatching up the knife from the ground, she ran out the door, laughing maniacally as she did.

Vincent lay on the ground.

Someone came and stooped over him, dripping some hot liquid onto his head.

"Like, you okay?" Cloud asked in a falsetto.

"What the hell is dripping on me?" He asked.

"Blood." Cloud replied.

"Why?"

"Cause Yuffie like broke my nose!"

"Well... Doesn't that just take the cake?" Vincent said, shaking his head.

"Cake! Can I have some?" Cloud asked, becoming giddy like a little schoolgirl.

"Like my Cloudy! Come be gay with me!" Cid said, striking a pose.

"Like no way! You're like a gay guy! Like I'm a cheerleader!" Cloud said.

"So! You're a guy too, girlfriend!" Cid snapped his fingers as he said this.

"Um... Like hell I am! Like I am soooo a girl!" Cloud said, rolling his eyes.

"Will you two just stop acting so strange? It is getting on my nerves!" Vincent snapped his voice had an edge of anger in it.

"But Vincent! I want to be gay with Cloud!" Complained Cid, his voice full of sorrow.

"That's it! I'm out of here! Sort this out amongst yourselves! I have to find Aeris!"

He left the room, and on his way, he touched each doorframe three times before he went though.

Cloud and Cid stared at one another.

"Like what's his problem?" Cloud asked.

"Your guess is as good as mine girlfriend!" Cid replied, slapping Cloud on the butt.

"HEY!" Cloud shouted in protest, before running because Yuffie was coming, swinging her bat around.

"Don't leave me Cloudy!" Cid said running after Cloud.

This left the room empty, except for Yuffie, who happily smashed a vase with her bat.

"FUN!" She cried, as it shattered into a million pieces.

"I have to tell Vinny about how fun this is!" She said, wondering outside to find Vincent.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: There is No Sanity!

Vincent was trudging along the street, avoiding people, and looking for Aeris.

He walked for about five minutes, and found a street full of bodies to his left.

He bent over, and examined the first body, and found that it was covered from head to toe with wild slash marks.

"_Aeris!_" He thought.

Then the shock of the situation hit him, and he fell to the ground and cried for a while.

Then, as he got up, he looked down the street, and marched down it, stepping in pools of fresh blood.

As he neared a house, a man flew out the window, and landed with a 'splat!' onto the tarmac in front of him.

Vincent was horrified to find that several body parts missing.

"AND THAT IS FOR YELLING AT ME YOU JERK!" Came Aeris' voice from inside the house.

Vincent's eyes widened, and he ran to the door and touched the frame three times, then ran in to the house to find Aeris stabbing a sofa with a large sword.

"Aeris! How the hell did you get that?" Vincent said, eyeing Cloud's sword in Aeris' hands.

"He lent it to me! NOW GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I KILL YOU!" She replied, lifting the sword that was normally to heavy for her with ease.

Vincent pulled out his gun, and patted it three times before he pulled back the hammer and pointed it at Aeris.

"Drop the sword girl! Don't make me shoot!" He said in a warning tone.

"DIE!" She yelled, lunging at him, and swinging the sword erratically.

He fired one shot, and Aeris let out a screech, and the sword hit the ground, impaling itself several inches into the wooden floor.

Aeris held her hand to her chest.

"THAT REALLY FUCKING HURT ASSMUNCH!" She yelled, eyes flashing dangerously.

"Calm down Aeris! You are going insane!" He replied, keeping the gun leveled on her kneecap.

"DIE VINCENT!" Aeris bellowed, her body glowing with an eerie green light.

"_Shit! She's casting a spell!_" He thought, and the barrel exploded, the bullet catching Aeris just above the knee.

She collapsed, and the light disappeared.

She looked dazed, her skin white, her eyes wide, as she studied the scene.

"What... happened?" She got out, before she went unconscious.

Vincent sighed, and picked up Aeris, and the sword, (which was VERY HEAVY) and walked out the door of the house, careful to touch it three times before he left.

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Back at the house, Cid was trying to get with Cloud, who screamed in the most feminine way possible, and slapped Cid across the face.

"HOW DARE YOU TOUCH ME THERE!" Cloud screeched, slapping Cid again.

"But Cloudy! I just want you to be gay with me!" Cid cried.

"NEVER! I AM A WOMAN! W-O-M-A-N! WOMAN!" Cloud shouted in rage.

"Well girlfriend I was just admiring your built bottom! Don't hit me for that!" Cid cried again, trying to make Cloud see how much he loved him.

"I don't like you though!" Cloud said, looking at Cid with concern.

"But...but!" Cid said.

"VRRROOOOOOM!" Cait Sith said, running through the room like an airplane.

There was loud crashing coming from another room, because Yuffie couldn't find Vincent, and decided that it would be more fun to hit things.

When Vincent stepped through the door (three touches to the doorframe...), he gave a loud sigh.

"I can see that you two haven't come to a conclusion." He said, laying the unconscious form of Aeris down on the couch.

"Like, what's wrong with her?" Asked Cloud, who now had pom-poms, and two pigtails protruding out of his head like long horns.

"Santa gave her coal for Christmas. She still hasn't gotten over it." Vincent replied, looking at the gunshot wounds he had given her.

"I must say I am one hell of a marksman." He said, noticing that he had only grazed her hand, and missed all the tendons in her leg; she would walk fine once they had brought her to the hospital.

"We need to get her to the doctors." He continued, going to get some bandages to dress the wounds with until they go her medical help.

Barret walked in, and saw the situation, and opted to go read "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens.

Yuffie ran in, and saw Vincent, and screeched: "YOU'RE BACK! YAY!" She jumped on him, hugging him very tightly.

"Geroff!" Vincent said, struggling to breath.

"I WUV YOU SO MUCH!" Yuffie cried, leaping off of him, and hitting a bookshelf with her bat, sending books flying through the air.

She turned suddenly, and glared at everyone.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" She yelled, and then ran out of the room before anyone could respond.

"She has problems girlfriends! Like I don't get her at all!" Cloud chimed in, a large smile plastered on his face.

"Well, lets get Aeris to the hospital... Don't want her to bleed to death." Vincent said, lifting her up gently, and carrying her out (he touches the door three times, I think you get the point now... He has OCD.).

Cloud's eyes flashed momentarily at this comment, then returned to their blank stare.

"Well let's go sweet stuff! We are going to the doctors!" Cid said.

They walked out, leaving Yuffie to destroy the house while they where gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Red XIII, the Very Large 'Kitty'-dog

When Vincent got out of the car, and picked up Aeris, he ran quickly into the building (after touching the door frame) and shouted for help.

"This woman has been shot! Pease someone help her!" He called out.

A group of medics showed up with a stretcher, and took Aeris away, and Vincent stood in the waiting room, with a worried look on his face.

After a few hours, the doctor came out and told Vincent that she was stable, and to come back in a few days, because she'd need to stay the night, Vincent nodded, and shook the doctor's hand, then went to the bathroom and washed his hands three times.

After he had finished, he left (touch, touch, touch), and stepped out onto the warm asphalt.

He walked to the car, to see Cid and Cloud making out in the back seat, he rapped sharply on the window, and got into the car (again with the touching!).

The two in the back where looking guilty, and Cloud jumped up to the front and looked at Vincent, and said: "Like! It's not what you're thinking!"

Vincent shook his head, and started the car, and turned on the radio.

It started playing "Hit Me Baby One More Time", and Vincent shuddered as Brittney's voice made his ears feel like bleeding.

"Oh! Like, my favorite song!" Cloud shouted, singing along (completely out of tune, Cloud was never a good singer, but the fake falsetto really hurt.) loudly, doing dramatic motions with his hands, and when the song had finished, he started crying.

"That song is so beautiful!" He blubbered, blowing his nose on Vincent's favorite cape.

"Gah! I just cleaned this!" He shouted, swerving madly, and narrowly missing an old lady walking her cat, her big red cat?

"RED XIII!" Vincent shouted, slamming the brakes, causing him and Cloud to hit the dashboard with their faces.

OH! LIKE WHAT CUTE KITTY!" Cloud shouted, and jumped out of the car and ran over to Red XIII, and staring at the woman.

"Like MA'AM! Can I pet your Kitty?" Cloud asked.

"Why darling, this is a dog. What makes you say it is a cat?" The old woman asked, looking over to her left (Cloud was standing on her right), and stretching out a hand as if to comfort the air (she happens to be blind).

"Um... Ma'am, this is a Kitty, a very big Kitty!" Cloud said.

"Oh, but it really isn't, it barks and everything." The old woman nodded at the air, and continued to face the wrong way.

"Rawr!" Red XIII 'barked'.

Cloud looked at the feline, and cocked his head.

"Ma'am... I think Kitty is sick! It just coughed!"

"I assure you little girl, that this animal is a dog." The old woman said, patting the air, and smiling.

"I may be old, but I know the difference between a cat and a dog. This dog is way to big to be a cat!"

Meanwhile, Vincent was looking for a stray dog, to replace Red XIII with, so that he could bring him home.

He found a Great Dane that had no collar, and he enticed it over to him with a piece of jerky that he kept in his pocket, because he sometimes got strange cravings for meat, and this would help sate those awkward cravings.

He pet the dog, and found it to be quite an agreeable animal.

He brought it back, and asked the woman if he could pet her 'dog', and when she had said yes, he bent, and deftly took the collar off Red XIII and put it on the dog.

"Ma'am, I have some treats for your dog, mind if I give it a few?"

"No, go ahead." The old woman said, this time facing in the general direction of where Vincent's voice had come from.

He gave the dog a few more pieces of jerky, and the dog sat, and thumped its tail against the ground.

"It is quite a cute dog ma'am." Vincent said, smiling at the dog, and patting it on the head one last time.

"Here ma'am, take these, I don't have a dog, and so you can have them, because your dog seems to like them." He handed her the jerky, and went back to the car, pushing Red XIII along, and sitting him in the car.

Red XIII started to growl, and whine, but Vincent just ignored it.

"Get over it old chap, your going home to see Tifa and Yuffie." Vincent said, and Red XIII seemed to remember these names, and he perked up, giving one of his 'barks' and wagging his tail like a dog.

"Oh for god's sake! You to?" Vincent stared down at the cat, which was grinning like a dog.

"I really should just shoot myself!" Vincent cried, then noticed that he was heading straight for a mailbox, and swerved quickly, throwing Cloud into Cid's lap, and Red XIII into the window, where he hit his head, and fell onto the floor.

Red XIII gave a yelp, and curled up onto the floor of the passenger-side seat.

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When they got to the house, they found three fire trucks outside, and the house was smoking.

"_Oh shit... Yuffie set the house on fire?_" Vincent prayed that this was all just a dream, but when he pinched himself, he felt it, and he cussed under his breath.


	4. Chapter 4

Soz folks, this chapter is a little short, but I think you'll like it nonetheless...

Have fun, and enjoy the randomosity!

Oh, and this is a warning! READ AT OWN RISK: may induce violent bouts of uncontrollable laughter that my result in lightheadedness or nausea, so readers be warned!

This is a message from the General Chief of Fanfiction authority.

Chapter 4:Accidental Arson

Yuffie sat on the lawn crying heart felt tears, as the police came and put her in handcuffs.

"Please! It was an accident!" She cried, as they shoved her into the police car.

Vincent ran over to the police car, and asked what they where doing.

"We're taking this girl away. She almost burned down your house!" The policeman said.

"I'm sorry, I can't allow you to take her in." Vincent's voice was cold and monotonous.

"But she burned your house!" The policeman continued.

"So... What's it to me?" Vincent asked icily.

"Sir you could get in trouble if you hold us up much longer..." The policeman warned.

"Well... What are you going to do about it?" He scoffed, his tone making the policeman flinch.

"VINNY!!! HELP ME!" Screamed Yuffie, clawing at the window of the car, trying to reach Vincent so that she could hug him, but he didn't turn his gaze down to look at her.

His body began to glow slightly, and he said in a low voice, that was barely a whisper: "Leave now, without Yuffie, and don't ever come back."

The policeman looked at him, eyes full of fear, as he watched the man before him sprout wings and fangs.

JESUS!" He cried, opening the door, and flinging Yuffie onto the asphalt, and jumping into the driver side, screeching his tires as he sped away from the scary man.

"That's better." Vincent said, as his body returned to normal.

He reached down, and hooked an arm around Yuffie, who cried hard into his shoulder, snot running down, and landing on his robe.

But oddly enough, he didn't care.

He rocked Yuffie back and forth, in the middle of the street, patting her on the back, and whispering quietly into her ear about how everything would be fine.

After about a half hour of crying, Yuffie was back to smacking things with her bat (the only thing that managed to go undamaged from the fire... hmmmmm.)

When the firemen declared the house to be too burnt to live in, they said that they could get some subsidized housing in which the group could live.

The group gathered what they could from the fire, and went down to the fire station, and waited for the chief to tell them what was going on.

After an hour or so of waiting, the chief came in, and said, "Well, we have found a place for you to go, but we think that that cat in your car is an illegal animal, and you will be getting put into jail cells instead, unless you can give me a good explanation."

"Well chief, that is actually a dog." Lied Vincent, as he studied Red XIII out the window.

"A dog?" Questioned the chief, one eyebrow raised in surprise.

Then Vincent remembered something that he found on Google.

"It is a Lion-dog... It is a rare breed of dogs that look like lions, but are actually used to hunt them, they where bred in I think, Cosmo Canyon... I found this one on my travels, it was a stray, but it grew to like me." Vincent said, grinning at the chief.

"A Lion-dog? From Cosmo Canyon? Are you trying to pull a fast one on me?" The chief said in a skeptical tone.

"No! I would never!" Vincent said in an indignant voice.

"Well..." The chief started.

"...Here, let me show you." And Vincent went to the computer, and quickly found the web page about Lion-dogs, and the chief read it through, and nodded.

"Okay, I believe you, I'll call the police off now." He said, as he reached for the receiver on his waist, and pushed the 'send' button', and said, "You don't have to come in. Over."

"Roger that. I'll tell the others. Over." Came a voice that sounded like small pops and explosions coming from the receiver.

"So, we got you some housing, you don't have to pay the first months rent, because the land lord felt bad for you. So I'll take you to your 'new' home." The group followed him, and they where driven (except Vincent, who took the car.) to the new house.

It was small, but it had enough bedrooms so that the group could room two to a room.

"Well guys... Welcome home." Vincent said to the group, as they stood in the doorway (Vincent entered, and touch, touch, touch for the frame) and took a walk around the house.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: "OH! New Things to Break!"

Yuffie stared around the room, star stuck from all the new things that she could hit.

"Oh! New things to break!" She said gleefully, taking her bat down onto the nearest thing, which was of course Cloud's head, and laughed as he slumped to the ground, holding his head.

"Gah! Like why do you always do that to me?" Cloud asked, as he recovered from the bump on his head.

"CAUSE!" Yuffie shouted, deafening poor Cid in the process.

She ran through the house, slamming things with her bat, and shouting a song (I'd say singing, but she doesn't sing well, better than Cloud, but not by much...) and laughing as the shards went everywhere.

The firemen stared at her as if she where psychotic (which she was).

"Let's hope that we won't have to pay for the damage." Vincent said, shaking his head wearily.

He thought fondly of the gun at his side, and of the Peace it would bring if he just... Pulled the trigger.

"_Bad Vincent!_" He shouted at himself in his head, shaking a mental finger at his thoughts.

"Okay... I think we should be leaving now..." The firemen said, and ran back to their truck, getting in, and peeling out, to get away form the randomness of the situation.

"Like WOW!" Cloud said, seeing the wide screen television.

"Like now I can watch Queer Eye!" He shouted, doing a little dance.

Then Yuffie zipped in, and smashed the T.V. with the bat, and it exploded into pieces, and giggled insanely as she watched the smoke rise from the ruined set.

"LIKE OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS!" Cloud shouted, looking at the broken screen with the face of someone who had just witnessed the horrid and deranged death of a thousand cute puppies.

"NOOOOOOOO!" He cried, falling to his knees, and picking up a piece of the outer casing, and holding it to his chest, rocking back and forth, petting the plastic in his hands.

"TED IS DEAD! NOOOOOO!"

"Yay!" Shouted Yuffie, who did not know whom Ted was.

"YOU LITTLE!" Cloud got up, and stared at Yuffie, looking ready to kill.

Yuffie gave a squeak of fright, and promptly knocked him out with the bat.

"Would you stop hitting Cloud with the fricken bat?!" Cried Vincent, who had begun to pull his hair out.

"Only if you make out with me!" Yuffie said, bouncing up to him.

"Um... Forget it... You can hit him all you want." Vincent said, leaving the room (touching the doorframe, Goodness Vincent! Contain yourself!).

"But you don't like me?" Yuffie said, pouting.

"Not like that!" Vincent said, his face tingeing a slight red.

"I HATE YOU VINNY!" Shouted Yuffie, chucking the bat at him, and hitting him in a very unfortunate spot, where upon he fell promptly to the floor, holding the hurting area, and chocking from pain.

"I AM LEAVING!" Yuffie said, stomping on Vincent's foot as she exited the room.

Vincent gasped, and fainted from the pain.

When he came too, he found Cid trying to get Cloud into the bedroom, trying to convince him that it would be safe.

"NO CID! I DON'T LIKE YOU!" Cloud said, avoiding a bat swing from Yuffie, who was fuming because he had 'borrowed' her mini-skirt.

"IT DOESN'T EVEN FIT YOU CLOUD!" She shouted, trying to hit him again.

"Come on Cloudy! It will be fun to room together!" Cid cried, also avoiding a random swing from Yuffie.

Then at that moment, Yuffie succeeded in hitting Cloud, which threw him forward, causing him to accidentally brush lips with Cid.

Cid fainted from ecstasy, he had kissed Cloud twice now, and he was in heaven.

Cloud landed on the ground next to Cid with a thud, a large bump forming on his head.

Vincent walked in, and regretted it.

He got hit again in the unfortunate spot, which I shall leave unnamed (but I know you guys know where), and passed out from the pain.

When he came to the second time, he felt like he'd never be able to walk again.

He saw Yuffie in the hall.

"Yuffie?" He gasped, as he got up, holding himself, to ease the pain.

"WHAT?" She shouted at him in anger, posing the bat for another blow.

"WAIT!" Vincent shouted, covering the place protectively.

"Fine." Yuffie said, lowering the bat.

"What can I do to make you stop?" He pleaded, eyes misting up from the thought of getting hit again.

"MAKE OUT WITH ME!" Yuffie said in an excited tone.

"Do I have to?" He asked.

Yuffie did not reply, except by raising the bat.

"OKAY! I'LL DO IT!" He shouted, turning away from her.

"GOODY!" She shouted, dragging him to the nearest closet.

After a half an hour, the door to the closet opened, and Vincent walked out, covered with hickeys.

"_That was oddly satisfying._" He thought, reaching for his gun, and drawing it out.

He put the barrel against his head, and pulled the trigger...

Something sharp poked him in the head.

"OW!" He shouted, drawing the gun away, to find a little flag that said 'Bang' on it, sticking out of the barrel.

There was also a note.

It read:

"You IDIOT!

I have taken your gun; I have a special person I want to introduce it to.

I hate you, and I hate the world.

Aeris."

Vincent stared at the message, and ran to the basement, where there was an old black and white T.V. and flicked it on.

He turned to the news channel, and found to his horror, that they where doing and emergency announcement.

"This just in... Woman kills three doctors with gun. Suspect also killed the cameraman with a scalpel. No one knows where she went, but officers described the woman as average height, with green eyes, and long brown hair... She is wearing a johnny from the hospital, and a pair of felt slippers... She is armed with a scalpel, and is a danger to anyone who confronts her... This is all the police know..." Vincent shut the T.V. off and ran upstairs, looking around wildly, trying to make sense of the situation.

He ran out the door, to look for her (touching the doorframes three times in between there and the outside, and jumped into the car (another three touches), and left.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Aeris Attacks!

Vincent drove faster than he should have, and almost totaled the car on a dump truck.

He did end up totaling it on a dumpster though.

He jumped out of the car, and ran to the hospital.

When he got there, he found the place in chaos, people running everywhere, police trying to get information about the crime, and other dramatic things like that.

He shoved his way through the people and found what he was looking for.

"_Peace Maker!_" He said to himself, running over to the cop, and snatching the gun from him, and making a wild dash out of the crowd.

He reached the edge of the crowd way before the cop (I mean come on, it is Vincent after all), and made a studious effort to hide in the allies.

He found one that was sufficiently dark and creepy looking (Vincent doesn't mind these types of places, because he lived in one for goodness knows how long...) and ran down it.

As he stood trying to catch his breath, he heard a rustle, and someone jumped from behind a trash can, and stabbed out with something small and sharp.

He felt a sharp prick in his side as the scalpel cut into the soft flesh of his stomach.

He leaped back, and drew the gun, pat it three times and pulled the hammer back.

He fired, but nothing happened.

"ITS OUT OF BULLETS!" Shouted an alto voice from the vicinity of the wall.

"Aeris?"

"What of it?" Aeris said, panting from the exertions of running and then of attacking Vincent.

"You killed like four people!" He said in a shocked tone.

"So?"

"So what! Aeris, killing people is not good! You could get sent to jail!"

"I don't care! They deserved it! The doctor gave me a shot, and I asked him what it was and he didn't tell me." She said in a frightened tone.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"No." She said, and fell into his arms, and cried.

"I didn't mean too! The cameraman was in the way, and these two other guys grabbed me and I panicked!" She was sobbing now, crying a few seconds in between each word.

Vincent held her to him, and listened to her fright, hoping that she had finally come to her senses.

When she had spent herself from crying, he lifted her up onto his shoulders, and ran quickly and softly (so as not to disturb the sleeping young woman on his back).

When they got back Vincent once again (to his great chagrin) had to deal with Yuffie.

She had smacked Cid and Cloud, and Tifa this time, and had put them all spread eagle in the kitchen.

She was drinking tea, and tapping her bat on the ground, looking innocent.

Vincent laid Aeris on the couch, and went into the kitchen, and carefully stepped over each person, and noticed that they looked really sad in this position.

"So why are they here on the floor?" Vincent asked.

"Cause they fell asleep there!" Yuffie said, eyes full of innocents.

"I doubt that they would just fall asleep in the kitchen, especially in the same position." Vincent looked at her with a look akin to a 'fatherly' glance.

"Whatever are you talking about?" She smiled, then got up and hit the toaster off the counter, and smashing it into a deformed mess, scattering little bits of toast everywhere.

"STUPID TOASTER! ALWAYS BURNS MY TOAST!" She hit it again, and powered toast puffed up into the air from the busted wreck.

"Um, Yuffie, that toast is perfectly toasted." He said studying the bits that where scattered around the floor now.

"I know... But I didn't want it to toast them!" She declared, hitting it again, and causing sparks to fly from it this time.

"Oooooo... PRETTY!" She hit it repeatedly, until no more sparks came out of the toaster (which really didn't look much like a toaster, but more like a piece of wadded paper.) and it lay there smoking on the ground.

"I guess this is how the other house caught fire?" He asked.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO!" She cried, jumping up and begging him to hug her so that she could feel better.

He obliged, though he did this, he did not know.

As he cradled her in his arms, he remembered the incident from the closet from a few hours ago.

"Vinny...? You are bleeding..." Yuffie said in a small voice, as she touched the cut gently with her finger.

"OW! Don't poke that! It's fresh!" He said though gritted teeth, biting back the pain and gently pushing her away.

"IM SORRY! I DIDN'T..."

"Sh sh sh sh... I know you didn't mean to..." He said, patting her on the head.

"Okay..." She muttered eyes turned to the floor.

"_Wow. Everyone seems to be having emotional breakdowns today... I thought Aeris was sad, but Yuffie here is like depressed..._" He thought as she snuggled her face into his shoulder.

"Vinny?" She asked innocently.

"Yes?"

"Can I have another kiss please? I promise I wont hit anything anymore." She said, big brown eyes wide and pleading.

"Um... Okay?" Vincent said, unsure of why he had said it, but when she kissed him, he knew the reason why.

"_DAMN THIS GIRL IS A GOOD KISSER!_" His mind raced for a few moments then he regained his composure, and he smiled down at the little ninja.

"I can't promise to not hit things... I just have to be honest..." She said looking sadly at him.

"It's okay Yuffie, just don't hit anything that can break..." Vincent also did not understand why he had said that, but this time he did not get an answer.

"OKAY! CAN I HIT CLOUD? HE DOESN'T BREAK!" She said with a glee that would have rivaled a kid getting everything they had ever imagined for Christmas.

"Well, no... Hitting people isn't nice either..." Vincent answered, thinking it would be nice to give Cloud a break from being used as a batting practice post.

"Oh! But it is so fun!" Yuffie complained, deciding to hit the broken toaster one last time, but nothing interesting happened.

"Sorry Yuffie, I need to go get this cut fixed up now, so just be good and hit that rock outside if you need to hit anything."

"OKAY!" Yuffie replied, grinning at him.

"I WUV YOU VINNY! I AM SORRY I HURT YOU EARLIER!" Yuffie bounced at him and then ran outside, and proceeded to turn the rock into rubble.

"I... I guess I could say I love you too Yuffie..." He said, a smile creeping across his sullen face.

He went into the bathroom and bandaged the wound, and felt better after that.

He wasn't sure why, but he started to feel like this whole situation was normal, and that there was actually nothing wrong. But he was of course completely wrong.


	7. Chapter 7

This chapter is short for a reason...

Besides it being completely gross, and utterly nutty, it has a reason...

This is where the plot is introduced!

Everyone say hi to 'Plot', and give it a welcome little hug...

(That's a good reader!)

Well, here is the extremely short chapter 7!!!

Chapter 7: In Which a Plot is Found!

Hojo sat in his alternate reality, and watched the group slowly go insane.

He laughed manically at this for a while, and then amused himself by playing with an eraser.

"Hello mister Eraser! How do you like my EVIL PLAN?" Hojo asked the eraser, expecting an answer.

When he did not receive one, he scowled at the eraser, and took out his laser gun.

"Well I don't like you either mister Eraser!" And he blew the eraser to smithereens with the laser gun.

He laughed some more, and then occupied him self by picking his nose.

"Hmmmm... I wonder what I might have left up here?" He mumbled, pulling a piece of bubble gum from his nose, and laughed.

"YAY!" He said, popping the gum into his mouth and chewing it happily.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: The Plot Thickens (sort of)

Vincent woke up, having passed out in the bathroom, to the sound of the shower running.

He looked up, and saw a small form behind the green curtain.

"Yuffie?" Vincent asked, rubbing his head and sitting up.

"VINNY! YOU'RE AWAKE!" Yuffie said, flinging the shower curtain open, and exposing her nude body.

"Um...!" Vincent looked away, and blushed slightly.

"Don't you know that you are naked?" He mumbled.

"Oh!" Yuffie said, when she saw that she wasn't wearing any clothes.

She screamed for about twenty seconds, and then finally shut the curtain.

Vincent got up and got ready to leave, and then he heard Yuffie ask,

"Vinny... I can't reach my back... Would you wash it for me...?" She asked head poked out from behind the curtain, her eyes sad and puppy like.

"Um... We have a long handle body brush, don't we...?" He asked.

"Yeah, but I broke it..." Yuffie said sadly.

"Um..."

"PLEASE?" She asked with such a cute look on her little face that he couldn't resist.

He walked over, and she handed him her scrubby (if you don't know what a scrubby is, it is a sort-of sponge like thing... Can't really describe it better, soz folks...) and turning away from him.

He scrubbed her back in a firm, gentle circular motion, noticing her lithe muscles as she soaped up her hair to wash it.

He was enthralled for a moment by the subtle shifts they performed, and he couldn't stop staring.

When he had finished, she said thanks, and shut the curtain again, and Vincent left, feeling oddly satisfied.

He walked out and found Cait Sith sitting sadly on the ground, and looking down at the mog's big arm.

"My plane seems to have broken its wing... TIFA!" He yelled and Tifa came running in, wearing a shirt with a picture of Cait Sith's kitty face on it.

"Yes Flying Ace?" She asked, nodding her head at the little cat on the mog.

"My plane seems to have broken its wing... Could you work your mechanical magic on it, and fix it? I have a race tomorrow." He said, shaking his head sadly at the mog.

"YAY!" Tifa said, and spread her arms, and then put her hands on the mog's head, and a green light flowed around it.

It stood up, and looked much happier than it had before.

Vincent watched this whole interaction like it was not happening.

He was confused.

"You think that this mog here is a plane?" Vincent asked, unsure of what was going on.

"Sir? Do I know you? And did you just call this plane a mog? What the hell is a mog anyways?" He looked at Tifa, who just shrugged her shoulders.

"Well, what ever." Vincent said, leaving and going to find someone to talk to.

He found Barret reading the "Entire Compendium of Shakespeare's Plays" and he was mumbling about how Juliet should wake up fast, before Romeo discovered her in that state.

"Barret, what exactly are you doing?" He asked.

"Why, I am reading this very sad Shakespeare play called "Romeo and Juliet". It is about two star crossed lovers, who where from two feuding families. It is quite good too."

"Since when have you liked Shakespeare? I have never seen you pick up a book, and you said before that you didn't like reading?" Vincent asked.

"Well Sir! Are you insulting my intelligence because I look like a brute? I am certainly not a brute and I can prove it to you if you want!" Barret leveled his eyes on Vincent, and noticed that Vincent was backing away.

"Why are you leaving?" Barret asked, and then noticed what Vincent was staring at.

"Oh... Are you afraid of this horrid gun on my arm? I have unloaded it, and have been trying to get doctors to remove it, but they always seem to get frightened and run off. I don't know why though." He replied, shaking his head at the gun in sadness.

"I wonder what got into my brain to make me do this?"

"I don't know." Vincent said, touching the doorframe, and leaving.

Vincent ran as fast as he could, and ran into Cid, who was trying to get the door open to the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" Vincent asked.

"Umm... Nothing!" Cid said, leaving quickly and not turning back.

Vincent stood for a few moments and stared after Cid, wonder what he was doing, when the door opened, and Cloud walked out.

"Hia! How are you Vincent?" He said, as his straightened the towel around his waist.

Vincent just gave a nod, and left the hall.

He went to his room, and found a note on his bed.

It read:

"So...

You have resisted the evil plan I have started to introduce...

I call it 'bad fanfiction' writing...

It is when some really bad author takes the characters of a game or story, and turns them into something that they would never be in their reality...

I paid this idiot to write some bad fanfiction, and sealed your spirits into the story.

Have fun trying to get out!

Your most hated enemy (and closet pervert of frogs...),

Professor Hojo, (the completely insane scientist)."

"What? We are trapped in some dumb kids really bad impersonations of us? This really is making us look bad... How did he get our souls into this fanfiction crap he was talking about? I guess we need to find the dope who is writing this stupid story, and tell him to fix our characters..." Vincent said to himself out loud.

"This is very strange..."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Vincent Needs A Break

That night, a huge thunderstorm struck the area, lighting up the house with its bolts of lightening. After all the randomness had subsided for the day, and Vincent was about to fall asleep for the first time in years (not really, but that is what it felt like to him), there came a knock at his door.

"Yes?" He asked.

"Vinny... I am afraid of the lightening and thunder..." Came a small voice that sounded like the little ninja.

"Can I sleep in here?" She asked, her voice trembling as the crash of thunder rumbled through the sky outside.

"Um... There are no other beds in here..." Vincent said, trying to make sense of this situation.

"Please! I am scared..." He could hear gentle sobs from behind the door and he got up and opened the door.

"Okay." He said, draping a long arm over the ninja's shoulders, and pulling her to him in a gesture meant to comfort her.

She smiled up at him, her eyes still fearful, but some of the edge had left them.

"I just need something warm to cuddle to... I should be okay then..." She said, pulling close to him as a blast of lightening struck, illuminating the fear on her face.

Vincent felt bad for her.

She was never afraid of it before, but it seemed that now she had gained this irrational fear of the weather that Vincent found enthralling and beautiful, nature at its wildest.

He slipped under the covers, as did Yuffie, and she cuddled up close to him, and fell asleep within a half hour, arms wrapped tightly around one of Vincent's.

He smiled at her for a few moments, and then closed his own eyes, and fell asleep too.

The next morning, Vincent woke to find Yuffie lying next to him.

"_Huh..._?" He thought, shifting slightly, so he could see little ninja's face better.

She had a smile on her lips, and she snored gently against Vincent's chest, looking so peaceful and normal that Vincent didn't want to ruin it.

He lay there, and looked at her, his mind reeling with emotions he did not know how to deal with.

It was not like Vincent to fall for either gender.

He was usually the least susceptible to looks and more aligned with who a person really was.

And Yuffie was the first person to make Vincent feel like he was alive again.

He may have easily been the oldest of the group, except maybe Red XIII, but he looked like he was only 25.

"_These feelings are so confusing._" He thought, smiling and brushing loose strands of hair off of Yuffie's face.

Yuffie shifted a little, causing her head to fall from Vincent's chest, and she let go of his arm, giving a soft moan as her eyes opened.

"Vinny?" She asked groggily.

"I'm here." He replied.

"Thanks for letting me... stay last night... I... couldn't have slept... if you hadn't let me stay..." She muttered, rubbing her eyes, and yawning impressively.

Vincent watched her lithe body move in its sleepy manner, and he grinned to himself.

"_I think I am falling head over heels for this girl..._" He thought, as he reached out an arm to help her sit up.

"I'm hungry..." Yuffie said, her stomach growling loudly as if to attest to this fact.

"Okay. I'll go make breakfast." Vincent said, getting up, and putting a shirt on, a red turtleneck shirt, because he didn't feel like getting all his other assorted clothes on.

He had worn his black pants to bed, and that was all, so it was easy to dress in the morning.

He slipped on his headband, and walked out of the room, so that Yuffie could dress alone.

He went into the kitchen to find Aeris already making breakfast.

"Hey... Are you okay?" He asked her.

"Leave me alone... I don't want to talk about it." She said with a tone that could be considered anger, but it was more like fear and anger combined.

"Sorry..." Vincent mumbled.

"Please go... I might take my anger out on you... I don't want to... You helped me..." She said, a tear dripping into the food she was making.

He walked over to her, and tried to hug her, to comfort her, because he felt bad.

"Don't touch me." She breathed like venom.

Vincent backed away and left, because she seemed like she might strike him if he had actually touched her.

He waited for her to leave the kitchen to go make breakfast.

When he had finished making food, he brought it out to find everyone sitting at the table, when he had expected it to be just him, Yuffie and Aeris.

He set the two plates of food down, and looked at the rest.

"So... Which two of us gets to eat?" Barret asked.

"Um... I thought that Yuffie, Aeris and I where the only ones that where up this early, so I did not know that the rest of you would want food too." Vincent replied.

"Like that was mean!" Cloud said.

Vincent noticed the clothes that Cloud was wearing.

He was wearing a pair of tight short shorts, and a strapless top.

"Where do you get these clothes?" Vincent asked.

"Like, I bought them silly!" Cloud said, smiling.

"Why, do you like them?"

"Um... No... Not really." Vincent said, being honest.

"WHY?" Cloud said, looking sad.

"Never mind." Vincent said.

"I DON'T THINK THAT IT IS GOOD THAT YOU DON'T LIKE MY CLOTHES!" Cloud shouted.

"Please stop yelling." Vincent asked.

"NO! NOT UNTIL YOU TELL ME YOU LIKE MY CLOTHES!" Cloud screeched, waving his hands at Vincent.

"That's it! I am going to find this idiot, and put a bullet between his eyes, and get this stupid thing over with." Vincent snapped, taking a Pop-tart out of the cabinet, and leaving.

"Like, Where's he going?" Asked Cid.

"LIKE I HOPE HE FALLS OFF A CLIFF!" Cloud shouted after Vincent, then took one of the plates of food and began to eat.

"No that's mine!" Yuffie said.

But at that point, Vincent had left the house, and went to the basement to get bullets for Peace Maker.

"I am going to find and end this once and for all!" Vincent muttered to himself.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: The Search Begins

Vincent stomped angrily out onto the sidewalk, and it started to rain cats and dogs (not the animals, cause I know it is a random fic, but get real folks!! ) and it was sunny just minutes before he had left.

"Fuck!" Vincent yelled at the sky, his wet hair clinging to his face, making him look like a famous rock star.

"Can I have your autograph?" Cried a fan girl of said rock star, but instead of a piece of paper, she had the cold, wet barrel of a berretta shoved in her face.

"Get the hell away from me!" Vincent shouted at the stunned fan girl.

"EEEEEEEEEEEP!" She cried, running very fast, and slipping and falling into the road, where a car promptly came flying around the corner, and in a red blur, Vincent had scooped the girl out of the way of the car, and had shot out the back tires of the car.

He ran up to the car, and pulled the man out of the window of the car, and shouted in his face about how he should watch where the fuck he was driving.

The gun was trained on the man's forehead, and he just sat there petrified by the crazy man that was threatening to put a bullet into his skull as decoration in the empty space between the man's ears.

Then Vincent shoved the man back into the car through the window, and told him to get far, far away form this place, and to never come back.

After Vincent's small explosion, the girl came over and asked him who he was, and why he had saved her, after he had just threatened to kill her moments before this had happened.

"I am your worse fucking nightmare, now get away from me!" He said, this time not pulling the gun on her.

He walked away and did not look back.

The girl stood and watched him leave, trying to figure out why her worst nightmare would save her from sudden death.

She came up with no answer, shrugged and walked away too.

Vincent stomped angrily about the town looking for a clue as to where the imbecile who was writing this dumb story was.

Suddenly, Hojo appeared in front of Vincent, holding a frog in his hands that he was licking, and smiled.

"So... You're looking for dumb ass? Well you'll never find him, while I am paying him!" Hojo said, as he licked the frog again, grinning with pleasure as the frog croaked.

"HOJO!" Vincent said, grabbing the Peace Maker out of its holster, and pointing the leveled gun at Hojo's head.

" What the hell site is this ass putting the story on?" Vincent said.

"Well... fanficton;net of course!" Hojo said.

"Were the hell is he?" Vincent could barely hold himself back from just popping (killing him) Hojo right there.

"I'm not telling you!" Hojo laughed, licking the frog again.

"TELL ME ASSHOLE, OR I'LL BLOW YOUR FUCKING FROG'S HEAD OFF!" Vincent bellowed, aiming the gun at the frog.

Hojo looked taken aback.

"You wouldn't!" Hojo said, fear palpable in his voice.

"I would, and I could!" Vincent sneered, anger boiling in his veins.

"NO!" Hojo vanished in a puff of smoke that smelled like dead chickens.

"Gah! What the hell is that smell?" Vincent muttered, covering his nose, and running away from the smell.

"_Where the fuck could this idiot be?_" Vincent thought as he went to a computer store to go online.

He tapped out fanfiction;net and hit return.

He found a page that had a box that said 'browse sections', and he then found a search button at the top of the screen.

He clicked it, and a page popped up with a bunch of search options.

He stared at the category section, and found that none of the categories made much sense.

"_Video games? What the hell kind of site is this?_" He stared some more before he quit the program, and ran to find someone who knew what they where doing.

He ran into a young girl, who was looking at computers, and she turned to him and shouted, "Vincent Valentine! You are dressed like Vincent! Where'd you get that Final Fantasy 7 costume? You look so much like him!" The girl squeaked excitedly, because she wanted to go to that store pick out some costumes for cosplaying (dressing like a character from a story, game or show).

"Um... Excuse me...? I am Vincent Valentine. And what is this Final Fantasy 7 you speak of?" He asked.

"Um... Like it is only the greatest RPG video game in the history of the universe!" The girl said, looking at him in a confused manner.

"How could you not know that? If you are Vincent Valentine, then you should know that you are from Final Fantasy 7..." The girl looked very confused at Vincent, and then she shrugged.

"Do you know of a site called fanfiction;net by any chance?" Vincent asked desperately.

"Why yes! I write for them!" She said proudly.

"Have you written any stories about Avalanche?" Vincent asked.

"Yup... People love it when you and Yuffie get it on... I have a few stories about that!" She smiled, as Vincent's eyes widened.

"You wrote about Yuffie and I 'get it on'...? Why?" He sounded a little shocked at this.

"Well, people like it, so I write them to get the reviews." She said, giggling at Vincent as his face paled, and he looked like he might be sick.

"What's wrong Vinny? You okay?" She asked.

"IT WAS YOU! YOU ARE GETTING PAID TO MAKE US BE INSANE AREN'T YOU?" Vincent screamed at the girl, whose eyes went wide at this.

"Um... No... I don't write about you guys being weird... Although, there are a few really funny ones like that." She said.

"Can you help me find them?" Vincent asked.

"Um... Okay?" She said, turning to the nearest computer and logged onto the site.

She found a list of stories.

"Well, I have this one that is hilarious, I have saved it to my favorites." She said, showing Vincent the screen, when he jumped back after reading the first few paragraphs.

What he had read almost made his eyes shrivel out of his head.

"Who writes this kind of stuff...?" Vincent said, his mind now full of images of things getting done to him by Hojo.

"I thought it was good." She said, smiling at him again.

"Here is another one... This it?" She asked.

Vincent read the whole thing it was not more than a page or two, and couldn't stop thinking about it.

What he read was something he had been dreaming about doing to a certain little ninja, and he couldn't believe what he had read.

"Um..." He started, his mind now full of Yuffie asking for more, and all the other things that he usually didn't think about.

She laughed.

"You liked that one didn't you?" She asked him with a mischievous grin.

"Um..."

"Here, this is another one of my favorites." She loaded another story.

Vincent could not really read it, because his mind kept wandering to the area of his brain that had Yuffie tucked in bed with him.

But as he read the introduction, he noticed immediately that it was the right one.

"Oh my goodness! I think you have found it!" Vincent said, as he read through, noticing that all the events matched perfectly with what had happened the past few days.

"Yeah... Sir Edward is a good writer (sorry, couldn't resist saying that... Hope you guys don't mind ). I like his other story, The Memory... It is also on my favorites." She said, nodding to him.

"Sir Edward? Who is that? Do you know this person?"

"He is the one who wrote this story, and no, I don't know him personally." She said.

"Do you know where he lives?"

"Some place called Worcester... I think..." She said, looking up Sir Edward's profile.

"Yup, he lives in Worcester... It says it here..."

"Is War-cest-er around here?" He asked.

"Why?"

"Because I need to talk to him, and tell him to fix this story, and get us out of it. Things are getting more and more random, and I am starting to go slowly bananas..." Vincent said, shaking his head in despair.

"Well, I don't know... You should look in a map." The girl said.

"Good idea. Then I should be able to find him!" Vincent said thanking the stars that this would end soon.

But Vincent went to several map stores and could not find Worcester anywhere.

He went back to the house, and felt defeated.

He slumped into bed, to find Yuffie already there.

His mind instantly went to the story he had read, and knew that what it said would come true if this kept happening.

He snuggled against her, and fell asleep, feeling depressed and tired.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Of Fangs and Flesh

Vincent woke to find that Yuffie had some how wrapped her arms and legs around him, like a giant teddy bear, and was drooling slightly onto his bare chest.

He looked at her for a moment in amazement, and then proceeded to peel her off, trying not to wake her.

When he had extracted himself from the little ninja's surprisingly strong grip, he went out to the kitchen to see what was happening.

This was a mistake.

Vincent was thrown to the ground by a large red blur that was chasing a small black one.

"OH MY GOODNESS!" Vincent yelled as he realized that Red XIII was chasing Cait Sith.

He ran to the room (three touches to each doorframe) and entered to find the two wrestling in the middle of the room.

Claws and teeth flashed, and they looked like they would tear each other apart.

Vincent took out Peace Maker, and pointed it out the window.

He shot a single resounding shot that scared both Red and Cait Sith.

They leaped apart, and Cait Sith hissed and spat at Red XIII, who growled and bared his fangs.

"YOU STUPID ANIMAL!" Cried Cait Sith.

"Rrrrrrrr." Red growled.

"WHY DID YOU ATTACK ME YOU BEAST?"

"Rrrrrrrr."

"SIR! GET YOUR FREAKY CAT AWAY FROM ME!" Cait Sith bellowed, as he marched out of the room.

"Rawr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr." Red XIII 'barked'.

"Bad dog! Don't chase the cat!" Vincent reprimanded Red in a firm tone.

Red XIII gave a slight whimper, and bowed his head.

"There's a good doggy... I mean kitty?" Vincent said, shaking his head.

"Vincent! What are we going to do with this cat?" Barret said, as he walked into the room.

"What do you mean?" Vincent asked the big man, confused by what her had said.

"Look at this! This animal is preposterous!" Barret said, holding up one of his gigantic boots, which had bite marks all over it.

"Red ate your boot?" Vincent said, glancing at Red XIII and saw that he looked happy to see the boot.

Red XIII walked over to Barret, and sat down right in front of him, and stared expectantly at the boot.

"This is not a toy!" Barret growled at Red XIII, who backed away, and tucked his tail between his legs.

"Stupid animal..." Barret mumbled under his breath and left the room, deciding that finishing 'A Tale of Two Cities' was more enjoyable than talking to people.

Vincent left the room (three touches to the doorframe) and wandered down the hall.

He decided to take a shower, and wait till dinner.

And so... Nothing much happened (a few things got smashed to bits, and Red had to be let out to go potty, as well as Cait Sith coming home, having lost his race against a fighter jet... those kinds of nothings...) until after supper.

After supper, it was around 7:30pm, and Vincent and Yuffie where sitting in the living room together.

Yuffie got up from the couch, and invited herself to a seat on Vincent's lap, and cuddled against him.

Vincent had wondered why she had done it, and then saw a flash of lightning.

"Uhmmmmm..." Whimpered Yuffie, as a flash lit up the room.

"It's okay Yuffie." He said, gently squeezing her to him, as a reassuring gesture.

With the next loud crash, Yuffie was curled up in his lap, crying.

He rubbed her back like he would a frightened child, and found that the sobs slowly ebbed to whimpers and sniffles.

"It should be over soon... Summer storms usually don't last too long." He said.

"R-r-really?" Yuffie asked in a small voice.

"Well, usually... I don't know how long this one will last." He told her, holding her close to him as he felt a slight tremor run through her body.

Soon the storm past, but the thing is Yuffie had fallen asleep on his lap.

"Well, this is a predicament." Vincent muttered under his breath.

He carefully got up, and brought her to her room, and laid her down on the bed.

He patted her back gently, and left the room.

His insides had done all manners of strange things when he had noticed that his hand had been touching her bare back, on his way to her room.

"_Her skin is so soft_" He thought, raising the said hand to eye level.

He wondered a little about how she kept it that soft, or what she had done to make it smooth.

Then he shook his head, and let his hand fall back down to his side.

He gave a sigh, and saw Cid sitting out in the rain.

Vincent went out, and sat down next to him.

"What's up?" Vincent asked.

"Huh? Ummm..." Cid replied, and Vincent noticed that there where tear stains down his cheeks.

"Do you want to talk?" Vincent asked.

"Well... I guess..." Cid said, tuning to look at Vincent.

"So what's on your mind then?"

"Cloud..." Cid said, his eyes tearing up again.

"Yeah, what about that punk?"

"He isn't a punk! He just is a mean... No, he isn't mean either he is... Insensitive."

"He's been like that for ever... It took him moths just to tell Aeris what he felt about her." Vincent replied.

"HE'S STREIGHT! I... I THOUGHT... I THOUGHT HE WAS GAY!" Cid said breaking down to tears again.

"Um... He told the whole group, or should I say, Aeris told the whole group about how she and Cloud had started 'dating'." Vincent said, a little confused by Cid's reaction.

"I DIDN'T HEAR IT!" Cid said, his head falling onto Vincent's shoulder.

Cid's nose dripped all over the shoulder of the cape, and Vincent just stared.

"What is it with you people and getting snot all over my cape! What has it ever done to you people?" Vincent looked sadly at the boogers that covered the right shoulder of his cape.

"I'll have to wash it AGAIN!" He said, feeling a little angered by this, but he calmed himself down.

"Sorry Cid..." Vincent said, looking at his friend with a repentant look.

"Hm... It's okay..." Cid said, and he wiped his nose on his sleeve.

They talked like this for about an hour, and it was 8:50pm when they had finished.

Vincent got up, and went and took another shower, and went to his room.

When he opened the door to his room, he found something that shocked him.

Yuffie was standing in the middle of the room, in her bra and some night pants.

Vincent's eyes went wide, and she blushed, but made no move to cover herself up.

She walked over to Vincent, and hugged him and said that she was sorry; she just was getting dressed into her pajamas, when he had walked in.

His arms wrapped themselves around her shoulders, without his permission, and he scolded himself for doing it.

All he could think about was the contact with her bare skin.

She pulled away after a moment, and put on a shirt, and got into bed.

"Um... Yuffie? Why are you in my bed again?" Vincent asked.

"Cause!" Yuffie answered.

And that was all the answer he needed, so he slipped off his shirt, and slid into bed next to Yuffie.

He planted a single kiss onto her forehead, and then turned over and was asleep in an instant.

He needed his rest, because tomorrow would be the day to confront Hojo.

Yuffie gave a small chuckle, and fell asleep as well, snuggling close to Vincent.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: There Will be Hell to Pay!

Vincent woke as always, and looked around.

But the object that he was searching for was nowhere to be found.

"Yuffie are you here?" Vincent's words fell into empty space.

Then fear struck him, and he looked harder, to see if she was hiding.

That is when a note caught his eye.

He jumped up and snatched it off the lampshade, and looked down in dismay at what was written there.

"_I, Professor Hojo (the entirely mad scientist) have taken a liking to one little ninja. I intend to do evil things to her unless you (yes you, you freak!) come and get her. This is retribution for all the mean things you said about my frog (yum... My frog...)! So, unless you wish to hear about all the cruel ways I intend to torture her, come and get me!_

_Signed,_

_Hojo, The Frog Rapist"_

"_What the fuck is this guy's damage?_" Vincent thought, then the letters meaning donned on him like a nightmare gone scary (Vincent doesn't ever wake from nightmares, but in this case, he would wake up with a heart attack.).

"You will go to Hell Hojo!" Vincent yelled, dressing in a whirlwind, and leaving without looking on the table.

This is the other note, the one he missed.

"_Meet me at the Sake bar, at 10:00pm... I will give you directions to the alternate reality. _

_Signed,_

_Sir Edward"_

This was sad for him, because I would have really given him the directions (I can't work for Hojo too long, (I needed the money) I just felt the story was getting out of hand... But I can do anything to change it until Vincent defeats Hojo!).

Vincent ran through the town, and looked wildly for Hojo and Yuffie.

But he came no closer to finding them then a blind boy trying to find a penny in the sky.

After hours and hours (and I mean hours!) of fruitless searching, Vincent went back to the house.

He felt like he would cry, and kill things, but he knew that would not help him.

Vincent's mind snapped back to reality, and he lost his compulsion to touch things, because his spirit had returned to his body, through the pure mental torture he was experiencing.

He sat at the table, and put his head down, and cried.

His brain cut to the scene where he had lost Lucrecia forever.

His mind blanked and he cried more.

It was too bad that he had not returned five minutes earlier, because Aeris had just started to try to burn the note.

She had succeeded just as he had got back, and now there was a burn mark on the table, and that was all that remained of the note.

Vincent stayed at the table with his head down, thinking of every thing that he could do to find Yuffie, and found that all of them involved him knowing where Hojo was.

At around 9:45pm, Vincent decided he needed a stiff drink, and left to go to the Sake bar.

He arrived, and ordered three sake, and sat at the bar, drinking the bottles down in almost rapid succession.

Then he heard a voice call out to him.

"Vincent Valentine, I am Sir Edward." Said a slightly above average height teen boy, with short brown hair, and a pair of semi-round gold glasses.

"YOU!" Vincent shouted, grabbing me by the front of my shirt, and pulling Peace Maker out of it holster.

My eyes widened.

"You don't plan on killing me do you?" I asked him, hoping that he would be reasonable.

"DO YOU THINK IT IS FUNNY TO MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE?" Vincent shouted in my face, his nose not two centimeters from mine.

I stared into his green-red eyes, and feared for my life.

"Listen to me Vincent! I can..." I choked as his fist closed over my throat.

"I don't want to hear your bullshit." His voice was just barely a whisper, his eyes full of rage.

"Hugh!" I coughed out, trying to speak.

His grip slacked, and he dropped me to the ground.

I rubbed my neck, and looked up at him from the floor, knowing that he easily could have crushed my skull if he had wanted to.

"Please! Let me tell you what I have to say!" I pleaded.

"Fine... But I don't plan on listening." Vincent said, ordering a fourth sake from the bar tender.

"I needed the money... I didn't intend it to go this far... Please forgive me."

To this, Peace Maker slammed into my forehead, and stayed there.

"I don't care... That doesn't help me find Yuffie." He said, pulling the hammer back, his right index finger resting lightly on the trigger.

I stared down the barrel of the gun, and felt a new fear that I had never felt before.

"Please." I croaked.

"Do you know where she is?" Vincent asked, his eyes slightly hopeful under the general hate that was burning in them.

"I know where she is... And I can get you there... But you have to give me a few days." I said.

The bullet just clipped my cheek, leaving a bloody line.

"That is too long... Try again." He said, holding the gun in my face again.

The pain from my cheek was burning like a house fire, but I tried to ignore it.

"I could do it as soon as three day from now... I have to prepare the gate!" I said, hoping that he would not shoot me again.

"Fine, but if anything happens to Yuffie, then I am taking it out on your sorry ass." He said, pushing me off the bar stool with the barrel of the gun, and then putting it back into its holster.

"When you are ready, come to the house, I assume you know where it is?" He asked.

"Yes... I am sorry things happened like the way they did." I said, knowing that I would want him to take it out on me if Yuffie got hurt, because it would have been my fault after all.

"Just shut up kid. I'll see you when you are ready." He said, telling the bar tender that I'd pay his tab, and left.

I stood up, and looked at the bar tender.

"He shot you kid... You don't have to pay the tab, I'll set the police on his ass for you." He said, getting me a drink (just a ginger ale folks... I don't drink beer it is gross), and saying that it was on the house.

I thanked him, and left, after telling him that it would not be a good idea to set the police on Vincent.

He nodded, and I left.

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Vincent got back to the house at 12:25pm, and he fell heavily onto the bed, and felt sad that Yuffie was not there.

He sat there, and thought about what had happened, and he shook his head.

"Stupid kid." He muttered, and lay back to stare at the ceiling.


	13. Chapter 13

I would just like to thank all my awesome reviewers!

Special thanks to: Andra-Dragoon-Chaotix, Death Korps, Phoenix Helix, Random Reviewer 2, Sin Vidor Absinthe Necrotica, hiei n riven, and kin sedren, for putting my story on their favorites list! I would also like to thank EVERYONE who posted a review for my story! You guys help me push on! THANK YOU! And an even greater and special thanks to Milady, Queen Penny Strife... The one and only mitts!! You where there for me, and I appreciate it tremendously! You don't know what you have done for me! And last but not least, I would like to thank everyone who has graced my story with a 'hit', with a pat on the shoulder! THANKS SO MUCH YOU GUYS! YOU ROCK!!

Chapter 13: Aeris' Escape!

The next morning revealed that Aeris had left to go to the Temple of the Ancients, because she needed to repent for her evils, though she didn't get there without killing at least two unsuspecting people.

Vincent was worried about her, but his worry for her soon subsided because he remembered that Yuffie was missing.

He gave a slight tremor of sorrow as he remembered that the missing little ninja was not a dream, but a reality.

"Does anyone know where Aeris went?" He asked the group, trying to figure it out.

"Like no! She didn't even say like, good morning!" Cloud said, today dressed in a pair of VERY tight pants, and a spaghetti strap tank top that was lime green.

"Nope... I am sorry, I have not seen her." Barret said, not bothering to put down his copy of "Macbeth".

"Rrrrrrrawr!" Red barked, wagging his tail.

"Why would I know where the broad went?" Said Cait Sith, who was waxing his 'plane'.

The mog looked a little unhappy about this, but put up with it.

"Like girlfriend why do you care? She's a psycho anyways." Cid asked.

"I'm just hope she doesn't meet Sephiroth!" Vincent said.

"Oh! That would be horrible!" Cid shivered, and his eyes went wide at the name.

"We must go find her!" Vincent said, nodding to everyone to go get ready.

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Meanwhile, Aeris had stolen a Viper, and was doing 120 mph down the freeway, as she downshifted to 6th gear and sped the car up.

She weaved through the traffic, and cut onto small back roads in hopes of not getting caught by the police.

The engine roared as it hit 145 mph and she laughed as the tires squealed loudly as she careened around a corner.

At the rate that she was going, it would only take her two hours to get to the port where the Highwind was, and she could convince the crew to take her to the Temple, and get her there in like a day.

She grinned as she pushed the car to its limits, the smell of burning octane filling her with adrenalin.

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Vincent and crew got ready take Vincent's black Beamer to the port, to pick up the Highwind, and head to the Temple of the Ancients.

Something in the back of his mind told him that was where she was heading.

As he sped down the street, he really wondered why he was following her.

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Aeris reached the port, ran up to the crew, and told them to take her to the Temple of the Ancients.

They stared at her, like she had told them to take her to the bottom of the ocean in the air ship, so she pulled out a note and a letter opener, and threatened to kill them if they did not comply with the letter from Cid (of course she was not going to tell them that she had forged his signature to the bottom.).

They looked over the letter, and told her to board.

She gave them an evil grin, and then boarded the ship, and they took off after the necessary checks and procedures.

The others got there just as the ship was taking off, and they could do nothing about it.

They sat in the Beamer, and watched the ship leave.

Vincent got out, and went over the Viper, and found a note on the dash that read,

"Don't follow me ASSHOLES!

I am going to the Temple, and the ship will return to port in a day. Then you can pursue your stupid thing of following me, because I know you will.

Burn in Hell,

Aeris."

Vincent brought the letter to Cid, and he cried, and cried that she had stolen his ship, until he read that it would be coming back.

"Like thank the STARS!" He bawled, as he hugged the letter to his chest.

"Well, let's go back to the house, and come back later, tomorrow perhaps?" Vincent asked.

"Okay..." Cid said, still cradling the letter in his arms like it was a newborn.

They returned to the house, and everyone went to bed.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: The Temple

Aeris watched as the land below streaked by, and grinned.

"_This is so much easier than traveling with those dopes._" She thought, turning to find a young man staring at her.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT?" She shouted, scaring the poor young man into peeing himself.

The man stood ashamed in front of her, and blushed from utter embarrassment.

"I just wanted to ask you if there was anything wrong..." The young man muttered, and left the room crying, to go change his clothes before anyone saw him.

She smiled.

"_What a little fool!_" She thought.

They would reach the Temple in about six hours, and Aeris felt the excitement rising up in her veins.

She ran to the captain's cabin, and walked in.

"Can't this tub of bolts go any faster?" She complained.

"Well... Once we hit its highest speed, then the fuel tends to burn much quicker, and we don't have enough to do that." The captain said.

Aeris clenched her fists in rage, and pulled out the letter opener.

"Do you want this rusty thing being twisted around in your gut? If not, I suggest that you go FASTER!" She shouted, brandishing the letter opener like a rapier.

"UH! Yeah! Yeah sure it can! I'll see to it at once!" The captain's face was pale, as he twisted a few knobs and flicked a few switches.

"We are currently going into full speed! Everyone please get onto a seat and buckle in!" The captain called over the intercom.

"I suggest you find a seat ma'am." The captain said trying to feel concerned for the woman who had threatened him.

"Screw you!" Aeris said, and left the captain's cabin, and went to her quarters.

Just as she opened the door, she was flung through the room, and slammed against the wall with a sickening 'thud'.

Her limp from crashed into the ground, and she blacked out.

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When she came to, she was on the ground outside, and she could feel the power from the temple, and knew she was finally home again.

She tried getting up, but her ankle gave a weird wobble, and she fell flat onto her ass.

"_OWOWOWOWOWOWOW!_" She thought, biting her bottom lip until it bled.

She stood again, this time not putting weight on her left leg.

She hobbled to the nearest building, and found a large enough stick for her to use as a cane.

She didn't want to use her staff, because it was too special to her.

As she made her slow progress to the main temple (she has a LONG way to go especially in the condition she is in now!) too focused on what she was doing, to notice the long dark shadow that was trailing after her.

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The group woke in the morning, to get ready for there travel.

They ate quickly, and got into the Beamer, and left for the port.

When they got there, they found that the air ship was just coming in for landing.

When it had stopped, and the crew got out, Vincent went up to them.

"We need you to take us to The Temple of the Ancients!" He said.

"We need to get fuel. It will be another hour before we can make the trip." The captain said with a grave face.

"We can wait I guess." Vincent said, feeling more worried now than he had ever felt.

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Aeris had just reached the 'outer circle' as it is called, the beginnings of the holiest area in the temple.

She stumbled along, tripping on rocks and cracks in the ground, but managing not to fall.

Her ankle was killing her now, and it had swollen to the size of a small melon, but she pushed on, gritting her teeth against the pain.

"_This is all part of my cleansing process._" She thought, though she was not sure why she wanted to repent, because she found killing people to be fun.

Soon the pain got to be unbearable, and she fell down to the ground, and closed her eyes.

She was tired, and she needed a rest.

Her eyes closed, and she slept, fitfully at first, but the soothing powers of the Temple soon settled her, and she slept soundly, and without any dreams.

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Vincent and the group waited for the crew to finish refueling the air ship, and when the captain gave them the thumbs-up, they boarded, and took off after the checks and procedures had been carefully gone through.

They took off into the air, and where heading to the Temple at almost full speed, hoping to get there in at most eighteen hours.

"Sir?" The second in command asked Cid, looking at what he was wearing.

"Like, what George?" Cid replied.

"Why are you dressed...?" The second was silenced by a gun being pointing at his head.

"Don't ask... It's a long story that I don't want to explain." Vincent said, lowering the gun and slid it back into the holster at his hip.

"Yes Sir!" The second said, leaving the captain's office.

"Do you remember how to fly this thing?" Vincent asked Cid.

"Like, leave everything to me! I know how to make this baby purr!" Cid replied, giving Vincent a thumbs-up.

"Okay..." Vincent felt a little worried but seemed reassured when Cid sat at the captain's seat with a face that showed his competence in flying the ship to not have been effected by his transformation.

Vincent left the captain's cabin as well, and went to rest for the time that they would be traveling.

The group did nothing really, except when Cid chased Cloud around the ship, trying to get one last kiss, but Cloud got away, and hid somewhere and wasn't seen until the group got to the Temple.

They got to the temple, and got off the ship, and asked the crew to give them at least 6 to 10 hours to go and look for Aeris.

The crew nodded, and went aboard and played Shuffle on the deck, and the group went onto the sacred grounds of the beautiful Temple, and went in search of Aeris.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: The One and Only Sephiroth!

(No Penguins where hurt in the making of this chapter!)

Aeris woke with a splitting headache, wishing she had not drunk those six shots of Vodka on the air ship last night.

She stood gingerly, but found that her ankle was feeling fine now.

She smiled at the ground, and patted it.

"_Thank you!_" She said to the Earth, and started to walk to the 'inner circle' or the Sanctum of the Temple, to where she would repent.

When she got to the center of the Temple, she knelt down by the Life Stream, and began to prey.

She was a little reluctant at first, but she felt like she really needed to.

She got so into preying that she did not notice the penguin that came and stood beside her, its little eyes trained on her face.

It waddled a little closer, and then stayed still, and closed its eyes, as if it where preying too.

Silence filled the air, except the gentle sound of the Life Stream trickling over odd rocks and other protrusions.

Aeris' face broke into a small smile as she knelt there on the ground, hands clasped before her in the pose of someone who wanted redemption.

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The group was making good time, and had gotten to the 'outer circle' in just a few hours.

They where all running, and calling out Aeris' name, trying to see if they could find her.

They where going very quickly, and managed to hit the Sanctum of the Temple within the next hour, and there, they found Aeris.

Everyone stared at her at first, and no one dared to speak, for fear of scaring off the penguin.

"Wow... It's so cute!" Whispered Tifa as she observed the big flightless bird.

Everyone was gawking at the bird, and didn't notice the long shadow that had appeared on the floor breifly, in the space of a breath, and then disappeared.

Cloud made a strange gagging sound in the back of his throat, and his eyes rolled so that the pupils faced the back of his head.

His hands went over his shoulder, where the sword was, and he unsheathed it.

The others stared at him, and didn't know what to do.

The sword flashed as he walked toward Aeris and the penguin, his mind racing with one thought: to kill.

His stately march toward the pair was slow, but methodical.

He got to the steps of the altar, and there he paused.

"_Like, What the fuck am I doing?_" He asked himself.

"_No! Don't stop!_" shouted a deathly silent voice in his head.

The sword fell from his hands, and he dropped to his knees.

"_Like, this isn't funny! What the fuck am I like, doing?_" He lifted his head to the skies, and saw a black shadow descend from the heavens like a black angle.

His eyes widened, and he stared out in fear, and he couldn't make his body move.

His eyes caught a glint of metal, as a long thin blade flashed into existence in the falling shadow's hands.

A few seconds later, there was the sound of metal hitting stone, a red substance running down the swords length, pooling on the floor.

There, standing next to the impaled subject, was a smiling silver haired man, a look of satisfaction in his blazing light green eyes.

The group stared in horror, as he pulled the sword out of the dead body and wiped it off on the grass near the stream.

"Like! You bastard! You killed like that totally cute like, penguin!" Shouted Cloud, anger flaring in his eyes.

"I what?" Sephiroth looked pissed.

He looked over at the body, and saw a young woman clothed in a pink dress, lying in a pool of blood, and next to the body, a penguin.

"You must be retarded." Sephiroth hissed.

"No! You killed the PENGUIN!" Cloud shouted, and flew at Sephiroth the sword in his hands.

Sephiroth became frightened, and disappeared, crying as he did, and leaving behind a hideous looking tentacle.

Cloud stared at the tentacle, and watched in utter horror as it transformed into a large bulbous like creature, that had tentacles and was purple.

Cloud screamed like a banshee and ran away from it, flailing his sword, and almost cutting Aeris' head off.

But Aeris noticed nothing of what was going on around her, her mind so immersed in prayer and repentance to the exclusion of every thing else.

The beast charged the group, and Vincent pulled out his big gun, Death Penalty, and took a single shot at the creature.

The shot blew a tentacle off of its body, and it gave a strange cry, like that of a woman in pain.

But it kept charging, and Vincent fired a second shot, and another tentacle flew off, in an explosion of dark green liquid.

Then something strange happened, and a bolt of lightening crashed down, and hit the monster right where its head would have been, had it had one.

The creature screamed, and tumbled back, and landed with a thud onto the ground.

Vincent took that opportunity to do the honors of finishing it off.

He walked up to the flailing creature, and put Death Penalty against its 'head', and pulled the trigger.

The 'head' exploded, and covered the floor and Vincent in a viscous dark green substance.

As the echoes died, the remaining tentacles fell to the floor, and twitched for a few seconds.

He slipped the gun back under his cloak, and walked back to the group.

"Shall we retrieve Aeris?" He asked.

"There is no need to." Came an alto voice from behind him.

"What do you mean?" He asked, turning around to see who had said that.

He was startled to find Aeris standing there.

"We shall return. I have been told that this evil shall be undone in a few days. Then the world will return to what it was before this strange thing ever happened to us." Aeris said, her eyes staring straight out into the nothingness, glazed over and unseeing.

"Yes. Let's go." Vincent said, walking away, and going to return to the Highwind.

Then Aeris turned to face Vincent, and smiled.

"So you ingrates came to see me? I figured you'd be harder to get rid of than that!" She looked at the group in an evil way, and took out a single glistening sphere.

"I guess I will have to kill you my self!" She said, pulling her staff off her back, and looking around.

"I thought I could make all this madness go away, but you insist on being stupid, and following the plot. Well, fuck the plot, I am taking over this Fanfiction!" She smiled an evil smile, and proceeded to try and kill every one.

It all ended quickly, with Aeris being knocked out, and Cloud getting a nasty lump on his head.

Vincent had been hit several times in the unfortunate places, and Cid got away with a bruise on his left arm.

The others sustained minimal damage, not worth reporting.

They made there way back to the ship, Barret carrying both Vincent and Cloud, while Cid carried Aeris.

"My... Balls..." Vincent wheezed, and then fell unconscious from the pain.

Barret felt bad for Vincent, because those hits had been hard.

They boarded the air ship, and went back to the port, by flying through the night.

Everyone slept in the Highwind, and waited till the next morning, to return to the house.


	16. Chapter 16

I hope this is soon enough there ff7 fan! Please don't hurt me when you find me!!

I promise I'll update faster!!!

**WARNING: **This chapter contains a **MASSIVE **cliffhanger at the end... Don't worry it will be resolved soon! (smiles evily!)

Chapter 16: A Blackmailing Incident

When the dawn sun pierced the cloud line, Aeris woke.

She smiled a malicious smile, and pulled out the dagger she had been hiding.

She got up, and tip toed to the nearest person (Vincent), and raised the dagger over her head.

Vincent had been awake the whole time, and felt her presence near by.

As the sharp blade fell, he rolled quickly out of the way, and caught Aeris' wrist, and pushed her lightly onto the bench that he'd been sleeping on.

He then got on top of her, and pulled out a length of rope, and proceeded to tie her up, so that she would not try to kill anyone.

He took the dagger, and patted her on the head.

"Be a good young woman, and just stay here. I've got to go find Sir Edward... I will be back." Vincent said, with a slight nod to Aeris.

She spat on his boot, and struggled against the rope, but found it to be tied quite securely.

"Please don't do anything you'll regret." Vincent said, as he turned and left.

Aeris gave a few more futile tugs at the rope, and then settled at staring at the ceiling, as she lay there cursing Vincent and his stupid strength and speed.

Vincent drove quickly to the Sake bar, and found Sir Edward sitting at the bar, with a Dr. Pepper in his hand, looking around.

"Hey Edward." Vincent said, sitting next to him.

"Oh. Vince! Hey." I said, nodding to him as he took the stool to my left.

"You want anything?" I asked.

"How about a glass of wine?" Vincent replied.

"Bar tender! One glass of Merlot please!" I called.

"You too young! No wine to minors!" The man replied.

"It's for Vince here!"

"Oh! Okay Edward-san." The bar tender smiled at Vincent, and got a glass out of the cupboard, and poured the wine into it, and slid it carefully down the bar to him.

Vincent took a grateful sip of the wine.

"You have good taste Edward." He said, savoring the wine a moment.

"But enough with the niceties. You and I have business!" He said.

"Yes. Everything is ready. I have opened the portal, and we can go as soon as we have finished the drinks." I said, taking another sip of my soda.

"Good." He said, and drained his glass in two gulps.

"Vincent! You shouldn't drink the wine that fast! I got you a good one so you'd savor it!" I said, as I stared open mouthed at him.

"I have no time to wait. Please finish quickly. Don't make me threaten you again."

I instinctively reached up to my cheek, which had healed, but there was still a faint line where the bullet had scratched my face.

"No... I wouldn't do that again. I would not be so harsh, because last time I was desperate."

"Good. Because the last time hurt like a bitch!" I said, shooting him a death glare.

He frowned slightly.

"I'm sorry that I did that Edward, but I don't have time to make it up to you. Let's go quickly, so that we can turn everything to normal again!" He said, he eyes giving the impression that he might die soon if things didn't fix quickly.

I downed my Dr. Pepper in a gulp, and gave a burp.

"Excuse me." I said, and wiped my mouth with my sleeve.

"Let's go."

We walked out, and I saw Vincent get into a Beamer.

"Wow bud. This is a nice car!" I said, as I got into the front seat of the car.

"Yes... It gets the job done, and it is quite a good looking car." He said, patting the steering wheel.

We pulled out and drove off.

"Where do I go?" Vincent asked.

"We are going to a lab that I work as a tech at." I said.

"Okay, lead me there,"

"Gotcha!" I said.

"Well you'll take the next right, and then after the lights on that road, you take a left." I told him.

"Got it."

We got to the turn and he asked "Where to now?"

"Take your next right, and it is the large building the says 'Science Corp." on the front of it."

"Okay." He said, as he followed my instructions.

We got to the building, and I ran up to the front gate.

"Please let my friend in!" I asked the guards.

"But we can't." Said the left guard.

"Boss told me to take him on a tour."

"Bull shit!"

"Don't make me tell boss about your little affair with his wife!" I yelled, not quite loud enough for everyone else to hear.

"You wouldn't!"

"Yup! I would. I have a very important thing I need to do, so please let him in."

"Fine! Okay... How the fuck did you find out about that?" He asked.

"Let's just say I encounter a little of it about a month ago, when you two where in the empty store room. I have been scared for life." I said, trying not to remember the duct tape and the other things that made me queasy.

He got a little flush at this, but shoved the other guard out of the way, and let us in.

"Thanks bro. I wont forget your kindness to me!" I said, beckoning to Vincent to come in.

"Hurry. We have very little time before I can't get into the portal room. They change the password every six hours. I just managed to get it from the last guard, by pulling a box cutter on him. I don't know how long we have before the building is swarming with feds so let's go." I said, running quickly to the elevator.

We got on, and I hit the 13th floor button.

The elevator buzzed and then went up.

When we got to the 13th floor, we got off, and I ran to the door, and punched '6, 9, 1, 3, 5, 5' and the door clicked, and unlocked...

(To be continued in chapter 18, chapter 17 is about what happens on the Highwind!)


	17. Chapter 17

Well folks... This will be the last post of this story for about a week... I am going home, and there I don't have Internet... SO I can't post any new chapters until I return to school... I hope this in no way turns you off from the story! I am so glad to find that everyone who has left reviews loves the story. I will post ASAP as I get back to school on like Monday of next week...   
Thanks again everyone! You guys make it possible for me to write!

Chapter 17: The Trouble on the Highwind

Cloud slowly woke from his sleep, and started to get ready for breakfast.

Aeris once again strained at the bonds that held her, but nothing helped.

"Help me someone! Vincent tied me up!' She cried out in a pitiful tone, trying to make them feel bad for her.

"Like, oh my goodness! Like why are you tied up?" Cloud asked his head cocked to one side.

"Vincent did this to me!" She said, her voice trembling with fake fear.

"Like why?" Cloud asked.

"I don't know... He just tied me up..." She said, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

Cloud could not deny Aeris her freedom, so he took the dagger off the side table, and slit the cord that was holding her arms and legs.

"Thank you Cloud..." She said, hitting him at the base of the neck with a fist, and taking up the dagger.

She lifted the dagger over her head, and let it plunge down.

But something interfered.

She looked down, and saw a metal gun in the path of her dagger.

"What the hell?" She said, and backed away.

"What are you doing with that dagger?"

"Um... I was going to give him a hair cut?" She said innocently.

"I doubt that." Barret said, a small flare of anger flashing in his eyes.

"Please! I am not doing anything!" She pleaded.

"I think Vincent had the right idea in tying you up!" Barret said.

"You're a monster!" She cried, pointing a single finger of accusation at him.

"I most certainly am not!" Barret roared, waking the others.

"How could you have hit Cloud over the head? You miserable monster! He never did anything to you!" She cried, dropping the dagger at Barret's feet.

Barret stared at her.

"What's all this racket about?" Tifa asked, as she yawned.

"Barret here was trying to kill Cloud!" Aeris screamed her finger still poised in the accusation.

"WHAT?" Tifa cried.

"He tried to..." Aeris was stopped as Barret's hand clasped around her mouth.

"Tifa! All that she says is a lie! Do you think that I'd do something like that?" Barret asked.

"I don't think that either of you would want to kill him, but he is on the ground right now, and you have a dagger at your feet... I'd say that you did it... Just from what I see here." Tifa said, giving Barret a sad look.

"But... But..." Barret said.

"I think that he is a danger to the crew." Aeris said, and gave him a sadistic grin that Tifa couldn't see.

"You little..." Barret said, but a staff flashed out, and knocked him to the ground, and Aeris gestured for Tifa to help her tie him up.

They did it quickly, and Tifa gave him a sad look.

"I'm sorry I have to do this." She said.

"You couldn't have known I am not mad at you." Barret said, his glare settling on the woman with the pink dress.

"Like why is Cloud lying on the floor? And why is Barret tied up?" Cid asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Barret tried to kill Cloud." Aeris said, shaking her head at the big man that sat with his back to the wall, staring out at nothing.

"LIKE WHAT?" Cid cried.

"LIKE NO ONE IS ALOUD TO KILL ANYONE ON MY SHIP!" Cid said, glaring at Barret with a frown.

"I didn't try to kill Cloud." Barret said.

"Like then why are you tied up?" Cid asked.

"Because the culprit did it." Barret said.

"Like... What?"

"I was framed!" Barret said, looking annoyed.

"Um...?" Cid said.

"Oh just leave me alone!" Barret said, having had enough of the stupidity.

"Just don't come crying to me, when Aeris has killed you all."

Cid looked at Aeris with a scared face, and backed away.

"Don't worry Cid..." Aeris said reassuringly.

"Um..."

"Really. Don't worry."

"Like... I'm leaving." Cid said, running from the room, and going to the captain's room, and locked the door.

Aeris turned away from the group, and smiled an evil grin.

"_This is too easy!_" She thought, turning back to Barret and Tifa.

"So... What do we do with the killer?" She asked.

"Well, we could lock him in the other crew cabin?" She thought.

"Hmmm. How about the boiler room?"

"That's mean!" Tifa said, with a look of shock on her face.

"But he tried to kill CLOUD!" Aeris said.

"Oh. Yeah." Tifa said.

"Yes. Now you see my point." Aeris said.

"Yes. He... He was going to kill Cloud. We need to punish him." Tifa said.

Barret's eyes widened.

"YOU CAN'T PUT ME IN THERE!" He cried, "I'D DIE! THAT ROOM GETS TO BE OVER 120˚F!" Barret yelled, knowing he would not last long in the room.

"You'd deserve it!" Aeris said pointedly.

"We can't kill him!" Tifa said.

"Well then where else is there to put him?" Aeris asked.

"How about the lower deck area...?" Tifa suggested.

"I still think the boiler room is most appropriate." Aeris said under her breath.

"Please don't put me in there!" Barret pleaded.

"We're not." Tifa said, glaring at Aeris.

"Fine... Put him below deck!" Aeris said, giving an acidic glare to Tifa's back as she helped Barret to his feet.

"Let's go!" She said, pushing Barret forward, and walking behind him, down to the space below the deck.

They locked him in the under deck room, and left to get breakfast with the others, who had watched the trial with awe, and then went to wake Cloud from his unconscious state.

When the others had returned, they got breakfast and then waited for Vincent to return.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18: Thirteen the Unlucky Number

We stepped into hallway, and where instantly surrounded by feds.

"What the hell is going on?" One of the feds shouted, pointing a very large gun at the two of us.

"We are trying to correct a mistake!" I cried, hoping that they'd let us go.

"Shut up you little brat!" A second fed, a short woman with a handgun spat out at me.

"Don't call me a brat." I said calmly.

"Why shouldn't I?" She said with a grin.

"'Cause, you don't want to get my friend mad at you." I said, smiling back at her.

"Oh really?" She said, pointing the gun at Vincent.

"I really wouldn't do that." Vincent said softly.

"What you gonna do about it?" She asked.

"Don't get me angry." He replied.

"And I said what are you going to do about it?" She repeated.

"Please... Don't try my patience." He said.

"Give me a break!" The woman said, and fired a shot at Vincent, who dodged the bullet with seemingly little effort, and was holding the barrel of the gun up into the air.

He freed the gun from her hand, and shot two feds in the knees, and then ducking as a volley of shots ricocheted off of the walls and the elevator door.

I dove behind a metal trashcan, and bullets flew over my head, and burrowed into the wall inches from my head.

I knew I was no match for the feds, but Vincent made the whole thing look so easy.

In about a minute and a half, Vincent had incapacitated all the feds and had bound them to keep them from interfering with our mission.

I got up from my hiding spot, and counted twenty-one holes in the wall that would have left very little of me intact.

"They had really bad aim." Vincent said, as he dropped the gun in his hand and looked at me for direction.

"It is down the hall, second door on the right." I said.

We ran to the door, and I punched a series of shapes and numbers to get in, and the door gave a sigh and opened.

"Room is air tight. We have at most sixteen hours of air, but a lot of that will get sucked into the portal when we go through. I'd estimate five to ten minutes left for the three of us when we return. We'll just have to time our arrival with the shift in the guard, so that we can escape." I told him.

"Why would they make it air tight?"

"To keep us from doing exactly what we're doing." I said.

He looked at the gate.

"You know how to use this?" He asked.

"Well... Let's just say that I do, because I eavesdropped on a ton of the discussions, and I know the basics. I hope it is enough." I said with a sigh of regret, knowing I was putting us both in danger.

"But do you know the coordinates for Hojo's world?"

"Yes... I got him drunk and bought him a frog, and he told me..." I said.

"That's cruelty to animals." Vincent said.

"I intend to get the frog too... I could not forgive myself for indulging that things (Hojo's) frog fetish." I said.

I looked at the gate, and twisted a few dials.

There where seven knobs on the machine that had the letters of the alphabet on them, that stood for the twenty-six dimensions of hyperspace and time.

I arranged them to the correct coordinates (oddly and ironically the letters lined up to spell 'pervert'... Hmmm... I wonder why?) and pushed a green button.

The machine gave a high-pitched squeak, and a bright green flash lit up the room.

Then, the gate stabilized, and floating in the middle of the room was a green, rectangular doorway that was paper-thin.

"I hope this worked right I said, looking at Vincent before jumping through the gate.

Vincent hesitated for just a moment, then thought of Yuffie, and jumped through after me.

The world disappeared and went dark...

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Things on the ship where looking grim, because Aeris had a very evil plan in the back of her head.

She smiled as she walked down to the Captain's cabin and chuckled as she tried the door and found it locked.

She lifted her hand to the lock, and a shimmering light appeared around her.

Then a small bolt of lightning shot out from her fingers and blasted the lock open.

She marched in, to find Cid hiding under the covers of his bed.

"So... It's your turn now!" She giggled as she drew out a green sphere from her pocket.

"Yah... Yah... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Cid muttered and then screamed as he recognized what the green ball was.

"Ice 3! I summon thee forth! Freeze this fool into an ice cube!" She said in an icy tone, as the sphere glowed breifly.

Cid tried to hide, but it did not work, for he felt the chill of ice crawling up his legs, and soon it was up to his chest, then with a slight hissing crack, the ice formed over his head.

Aeris admired the handy job she had made.

"Ice sculpting... I like it!" She whispered as she crept out of the cabin.

She headed for the next person on her list (Tifa) and pulled out a different sphere.

She smiled.

"This one will do nicely over the ventilation systems!" She laughed a little, and went to the central air room.

She slipped past one of the crew, and kicked him in the shin, causing him to fall and hit his head against the wall, effectively knocking him out.

She continued, and opened the door.

She looked around, and found what she was looking for.

She walked up to a machine, and opened the side, and inserted the sphere.

She closed it up, and smiled.

"Bio 3! I call thee to choke my enemies! Let your fumes leave no prisoners!" She said, and left the room, to look for anyone who would not be affected by her hideous plan.

She went to each cabin, and found that all but Cait Sith, Red XIII, and Cloud weren't in their rooms.

As she passed by Tifa's room, she heard some choking, and smiled.

"It's over little one." She said, and just before she left, there came a heavy thud from behind the closed door.

"That leaves the cats and Cloud." She muttered, and went to find them.

She found Red staring at a can of liver on a shelf, and shook her head.

"What a really stupid animal!"

She walked up to Red, and pulled down the liver.

She noticed the expiration date.

She smiled.

"Mama is going to give you a treat you'll DIE for!" She said, opening the can, and covering her nose as the eight-year-old food oozed into a dish.

She gave a chuckle as Red ate the liver in one bite, and sat there wagging his tail.

She left, and shut the door on Red before he could leave.

She snuck around quietly, and found Cait Sith walking around in circles, muttering to himself.

She pulled out a final sphere and glanced down at it.

"Should I?" She asked herself.

"No." She answered; thinking a blast of lightning might destroy the ship.

She shifted a little, and took the staff off her back.

"Instead, I'll smash his little kitty skull in!" She decided, and laughed with mirth.

She leapt out from her hiding spot and brought the staff down with a sickening 'CRACK!' onto Cait Sith's head.

He fell off the mog and didn't move.

She put the staff on her back, and walked to where she had left Cloud.

"That only leaves you." She muttered, as she walked back to the front of the ship.

Cloud was standing at the prow of the ship, with the window opened, letting the wind blow his golden locks back.

Aeris smiled.

"You're coming with me right?" She asked him.

He gave a start, and turned around.

"Like what?" He asked, looking lost.

"I said, you should come with me to the Captain's cabin! We need to go somewhere special!" She said.

"YAY! Some where special!" Cloud screeched, jumping up and down.

"Yes... Very special..." Aeris grinned, and grabbed Cloud's hand, and pulled him towards the cabin.

When they got there, she opened the door, and as Cloud walked in, he choked, and fell down.

She checked his pulse, and his heart beat slowly.

"_Good._" Aeris said, and waited for the smog to clear from the room, but got impatient, and summoned Kunjata, the wind beast, and it sneezed the gas out of the room, rendering the air breathable again.

She walked into the room, and plot a new coordinate into the ship.

"To the Temple!" She said, glancing down at the unconscious form of Cloud.


	19. Chapter 19

Hey again! It's Sir Edward.

I'm back from Vacation! And here are two chapters that I would have posted had I been able to! Enjoy!

Chapter 19: Enter Insanity; Leave No Prisoners!

Vincent and I landed on our butts in a weird place.

The ground was covered with little bonsai trees and shrubs.

The walls where covered with vines and toadstools

The air was scented with the reek of old tires, and it burned in our noses.

The world was misted with a green noxious looking gas, that looked dangerous, but Vincent and I where still alive.

"This is his alternate reality?" Vincent questioned.

"Yup." I answered.

"Not that nice a place." He added, as he observed the surroundings.

"Nope." I replied.

"You think we can find him?" Vincent asked.

"Yup."

"Where should we start?"

"Donno." I said with a shrug.

"You okay there?"

"Yup."

"Really?"

"Yup... I am just trying to take in my environment... It's taking a lot of brain power to comprehend this freak show place." I said, nudging a bonsai tree with my foot.

"I could see why." Vincent said.

We started walking in no particular direction, and came to a Zen garden full of statues of toads doing Yoga.

"Hojo is a freak!" I said, eyeing one of the toad statues, and shaking my head.

We walked more and found a koi pond surrounded by lawn gnomes.

"Who ever decorated this place needs to get shot." I said.

Vincent smiled, and patted his gun.

"Oh that man's going to get shot alright."

I nodded.

"Good!"

We kept walking, and came to a shack.

On its door was a sign that read, "DO NOT ENTER!"

We entered and found very disturbing things.

I glanced at the walls, and shook my head.

"Frog porn?" I said, looking at the pictures that covered the walls, of frogs copulating.

The thing that disturbed me the most was the weird dried substance that had a yellow hue to it that covered some of the pictures.

"This is gross!" I said, leaping back, and running out the door.

Vincent followed quickly after.

"This man NEEDS to die." I said shuddering at what I had not wanted to know ever happened.

"I should have bought him a poison arrow frog. Then when he licked it..." I smiled at the idea.

"But I did not have enough money." I continued, after I had envisioned Hojo's face turning purple, and him collapsing onto the ground and dying very slowly.

We walked for what seemed hours, and passed so many things that where gross and weird and to unbelievable to tell you about, that I do not wish to recall. (Sorry!)

After what felt like a decade, we reached a tall mansion, that had little green frogs painted all over its exterior.

"This it?" Vincent asked.

"Yup." I gave him a smile, and went to the gate.

"What is your name?" Came a voice from over an intercom.

"What?" I said, looking confused.

"WHAT IS YOUR NAME!" it screamed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The ship touched down in the center of the 'outer circle' and Aeris got out, dragging Cloud behind her.

She was hauling as hard as she could, but Cloud's 'dead' weight was pulling her back.

"Stupid fat ass!" She said, tugging sharply on his hair, and pulling him caveman style to the 'inner circle'.

She was panting hard by the time she reached the edge of the 'inner circle' and she was just about ready to give up all hope of her plan.

But she continues on with a look of determination in her eyes, and pulled hard on Cloud's hair, and started the long hike to the Life Stream.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Jesus! What is this?" I asked Vincent.

"Okay Jesus What-is-this! Next question, what is your quest?" The intercom asked.

"What?" I shook my head in disbelief.

"WHAT IS YOUR QUEST?" It shouted.

"I heard you the firs time asshole!" I yelled to the machine.

"What is your quest?"

"We seek to get back Yuffie, and return to our world." I answered, feeling miffed about the stupidity of the situation.

"Good. And final question... What is your favorite color?"

"Shit." I said, hating Monty Python for this right now, though under different circumstances, I'd have been laughing my ass off at the greatness of British minds.

"You may enter, oh you who likes the color shit." The intercom piped, as the gate swung open.

I stepped through, and the gate snapped shut so fast, it was hard to tell that it had opened at all.

"Now you sir. What is your name?"

"Vincent." He said, looking at the intercom speaker with contempt.

"What is your quest?"

"To kill Hojo and to get Yuffie back." Vincent replied, getting impatient with the stupid questions.

"And my favorite color is blood! Now let me through!" He said, running up to the gate.

"You didn't even let me ask the question!" The intercom chided.

"Fine, ask the question!" Vincent snapped.

"What is the average velocity of an unlaiden swallow?" The intercom asked in a triumphant voice.

"VINCENT!" I shouted before he could answer the question.

"SAY AFRICAN OR EUROPEAN!"

"What? African or European?" He asked, looking incredulously at me.

"What!? How am I supposed to know that?" The intercom squeaked, and then it exploded with the sound of a frog's rib bit.

The gate opened, and Vincent walked through, looking pissed off.

"What was that all about?" He asked, as we continued on.

"Don't ask me to explain the minds of British comedians... Just know that Monty Python is the god of British humor and that is it." I said.

Vincent said nothing as we approached the towering frog speckled mansion.

"Wonder if he's home?" I asked out loud, to no one in particular.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Aeris had finally succeeded in pulling Cloud to the Life Stream.

She pulled him to the edge of the Stream, and unbound her hair, taking out the glittering white sphere that held Holy.

"Tonight! Tonight I ascend to the title of Goddess! I shall take over this world and all fanfiction!" She laughed as she held the orb up into the sky.

"I shall shed the blood of this perfect specimen as a way to appease the Earth! But first, I must summon Holy to the Life Stream, so that his blood may taint the Stream, and then, then I can bath in the power of all the souls of the DEAD!" She howled a maniacal laugh, and lightning flashed through the sky.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Vincent and I walked quickly along the narrow way that was lined with grotesque frog heads that looked like they would kill us.

As we got closer to the house, the heads got scarier.

"These things are creepy!" I said, eyeing the nearest statue, and seeing that it was deformed and missing an eye.

We continued, and came to a place where the path opened up to a wide circle, that had a single black cube thing in its center.

We approached it, and found it to be a frog memorial.

It read: "In honor of all the wonderful frogs that have died of ecstasy, happiness, and love by the hands of Professor Hojo (the frog rapist and entirely mad scientist.)"

Below the little epitaph, was a long list of names, followed by what breed they where, and what genus and species it was.

"This just makes me sad." I said, glancing at the list of frogs, and shedding a single tear.

We continued after I had paid tribute to the lost frogs, and finally got to the door of the mansion.

"It's time to kick some ass!" I said, as Vincent reached for the handle of the large frog covered door...


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20: The Masquerade of a Frog Lover

The door opened of its own volition, and we stared into the darkness of the hall.

The air was rank, and carried the heavy odor of pond scum making us both gag.

We stepped in and the door closed behind us.

"How considerate." I quipped, turning to try the door, and found it locked.

We walked for a while, and came to a room with four doors, one in each wall.

When we entered, all the doors closed, and would not open.

We stood confused for a moment, then a sickly evil voice floated malevolently down from the intercom.

"So... You have come after all! I was just getting started with my first evil! You interrupted, so now you must pay!"

With that, the room went dark, and a torch came to life on all four doors.

"I was just fancying myself a glimpse of ivory flesh, when the dynamic duo showed up to stop me! How troublesome. Now, you must play my games to get back the prize! Here is the first game: Kill or be killed! I have sent four large creatures to kill you, and all you have to do is kill them before they kill you. Simple enough?" The voice was like honey spread on rancid meat.

"Fine. We'll play your games, but if we win, you won't hurt her will you?" Vincent said, eyes burning with a hatred so profound that I had to step back in order to not get burned.

The doors opened, and four gristly looking beasts came at us, one from each door.

Vincent leveled his gun at the one in front of him, and shot a bullet straight through its head, and it did not falter.

"I shall put off my desire for the touch of human flesh, to watch you die... This should be entertaining." Malignance and venom dripped from every word that came from the intercom.

"Have fun!" It spat, before going dead and not speaking again.

The beasts where circling us now, and growling their eight inch fangs dripping saliva and chewing in anticipation of a next meal.

"What should we do?" I asked Vincent.

"Kill or be killed. Simple game." He said, and leveled the gun at the beast again, and shooting it through the right eye,

Nothing happened.

Something wasn't right about that.

I looked at the beast closest to me, and stepped forward.

It darted in, but made no attempts to rend me to little shreds.

Another oddity.

"Don't do that! You'll get yourself killed!" Vincent warned.

"Vincent, I don't think that these are real..." I said, taking a second step forward, flinching as the beast came at me, but it never made contact.

"Stop that!" He said, whirling around to face me.

"Like I said, I don't think that they are real!" I said, this time getting bold, and shoving my hand at the creature.

My hand simply passed straight through it.

I grinned.

"These things aren't real!" I said.

"GET DOWN!" Vincent shouted, and shot another creature with his gun.

This one was different.

It jumped back, and fell to the ground twitching, a gaping hole in its forehead.

I stared.

"That... That one was... REAL?" I looked at him in amazement.

"Yes. And it's the only real one among the bunch. The rest are fake, just as you said." Vincent replied.

"So that's why you shot at them? Is it because you knew that there was only one real one?"

"No. I noticed that my bullet didn't hurt the one in front of me, and the one in front of you was the same, so that left the two side ones. I just guessed which one was the real one." He said.

The intercom gave a crackle, and came to life.

"Oh! I was so enjoying your confusion! Why did you stop so soon?" The voice complained.

"We want to retrieve Yuffie and get out of here is why." I said.

"Well now, I guess my hunger for that tender skin of hers has returned faster than I thought... I must sate my need..." The line went dead a moment, and then came back on with a loud scream that sounded like a woman in trouble.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" The voice cried out from the intercom like the plea of a child that was in trouble.

"We have to help her!" I cried, running through the door directly across from me.

Vincent followed.

We continued traveling through random rooms and halls until we came to a dead end.

When we turned around, a large web of strings blocked our path, stretching all the way to the end, which was at least fifty or so feet away.

"So... My thirst for touch is sated... Mmmm... She feels so nice..." Another intercom said.

"You didn't!" Vincent shouted, his rage making the words echo around the hall.

"Hm. You won't know until you get to where I am." The voice chided in a smooth tone.

"Okay... This next game is called Flexibility. Heh, this string you see is genuine spider web, and inside that large nest up in the ceiling, is a VERY hungry spider, that likes to eat people. The rules: Get out of the hall without getting caught in the web, and getting eaten by the spider. Got that? No cheating and cutting, burning, or anything to the web. I want to see how well you can limbo!" The intercom said.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take these bamboo shoots to some finger nails... Pain is so... Delicious! And don't forget... I'll be watching you..." The voice died off, and its echoes sent shivers down my spine.

Vincent said nothing and took off his cape, and started weaving through the web like a ninja, his lithe frame never so much as brushing the web.

I stared at him and shook my head.

Flexibility is not one of my strong points.

I looked for the largest gap in the webbing, and passed through it, careful not to disturb the strands that would bring the spider down upon me.

I picked my way carefully and deliberately through the web, and was surprised to see the end so close.

"You're almost there!" Vincent said, watching my antics as I twitched my way through the tangle of strings.

Then the inevitable happened, and I sneezed, causing me to lose my balance, and tumble into the strings.

As I flailed to regain my balance, I tangled myself even worse than I would have had I just fell.

Then I heard the dreaded sound of the spider rustling out of its home.

Fear struck true in my heart.

I panicked, and twitched so much I just made everything worse.

The spider basically flew down the strings to get me, but Vincent was ready.

The barrel of his gun exploded, and the spider popped, sending legs and body parts flying.

But that only solved the worst part of the problem.

"I'm stuck." I said, struggling against the vile threads that bound me.

"Don't struggle, you'll make it worse!" Vincent said, pointing his gun at me.

"WHAT?" I shouted, staring up at him in disbelief.

"Don't move an inch, or I might hit you." Vincent said.

The gun shot three times, and I felt the bonds loosen their death drip on me.

"Okay... See if you can move your arms." He said.

I moved my arms, and nodded.

"Good... I need you to stay still again." He said, leveling the gun at the mass of strings around my legs.

He fired four times, and then pulled a new cartridge out of his pocket, and reloaded his gun.

"I'm out after this round, so I will have to use them sparingly." He said.

"How many shots?" I said, as I untangled myself as best I could.

"Twenty." He answered.

After I had extricated myself from the mess, I was still covered with web, but at least I could move.

"Well, you seem to be doing well... I couldn't stop to use these shoots yet... This is to bad." The intercom voice sounded sad.

"No it isn't!" I replied.

"Ah... But it isn't... You're right! I have a better plan! I'll use the finger braking method! It's so much faster! And the screams! Oh! I'll be in heaven!" The voice said with a tone of excitement and pleasure.

"You sadist!" I yelled, anger making my face flush and my vision to go red.

"I may be a sadist, but I prefer frogs better than humans... It's just that my most resent frog died, and now I needed a new playmate." The intercom was somber and melancholy now, with a hint of death mixed in that would make a grown man cry.

"You'll pay for this!" Vincent said in a tone that was barely audible.

"Heh... We shall see..." The intercom stayed silent, and offered no more words.

"We have to find them!" I said.

"Yes." Vincent said, and walked down the hall, and turned left, disappearing from view.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21: The Thoughts of a Murderess

Aeris was kneeling the floor, and praying to the white sphere on the ground.

It glowed with a gentle light that grew brighter after each passing moment.

Her mouth moved with the words of a tongue no other human on the planet knew, and it sounded like the gentle rain that cleanses your soul from the dirt of life.

Her mind was focused on her one plan.

"_This is it! Finally, I'll get the respect that I deserve! All these pitiful humans will bow before my power! In another three hours the full moon will have risen to its vertex, and then Holy shall be unleashed, and then I may spill the blood of the One into the Stream, and cause the rift to form, so that I may gain its eternal and never ending power! That will show all those fools just who I really am! Then they shall know the true meaning of fear... And only then..._"

The time ticked slowly by, and the materia grew brighter, and more powerful, slowly bring forth the true powers of Good.

"_What made this so easy? I wish I knew... But it doesn't matter anymore, for I will be the most powerful thing in all the multiverse! Let it be known that I am the Goddess of all Creation! Let it ring from every bell, and call from every voice. Let it be echoed in all the valleys and mountaintops. Let it burble from every stream and river and bellow from every wave upon the salty oceans! Let the stars glow in reverence and deference to me. Let all the simpletons cower and grovel at my feet! I will be the Omnipotent and Omniscience being! None will control me!_"

The words of the summoning floated like mist in the air, and hung like fog, its power pulsing through the air like lightening, making the world hold its breath, and listen to the song.

"_I will be one with the meadows, and flowers and trees... The rocks and roots and shoots of every plant... I will be the first breath and the last breath and every breath in between, of every creature that makes its home on this planet... I will feel all the feelings, and know all the knowledge, and control all the things of this world. I will make life, and I will administer death... Make the weather and shape the lands... I'll be the water in the oceans, and the soil of the land... I will be!_"

The sphere grew to such an intense light now, that the shadows bent away in fear.

"_I will fill my eyes with every happening with every event in the world... I will be the metal that is forged in the fires that I made... I will BE the fire that I melt in, and am reshaped by, and made whole by... I will be the one supreme to everyone and every thing... This is what I seek... The knowledge and the power of ONE._"

The small globe of light shot forth a beam of radiant light, that refracted and danced across the Life Stream, and then sank into its depths, to awaken Holy.

"_The time is almost near!_" She thought, as the words poured from her lips like a cascade of golden music.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22: Two Situations One Problem

We where running again, and this time faster than before, the fires of hope lit in us as we plunged through the semi-darkness.

"We can take anything that he sends us!" I said, feeling confident that we could beat Hojo at his own games.

Vincent had said nothing for five minutes, because he was focused on what he was doing.

We 'opened' a locked door, and as the pieces flew into the room, we found a large claw-foot chair in the center of the room.

"_Is this him?_" I asked myself.

And as if to answer my question, the chair rotated slightly, and a lean leg stretched out and rested on the ground.

Then as we watched, the figure stood, and it most certainly not Hojo, but it was nothing I'd ever seen before.

And intercom came to life, and it crackled like popcorn in the microwave.

"This game is more fun than either of the others! This one is called, DIE! The rules are thus... There is only one, and it is very simple... It is to DIE!" Hojo's voice rasped through the intercom.

"But if we die..." I started.

"That's not my problem... You should've seen this one coming from a mile off... If you two die here... I promise that I will release the girl, and send her back to the other world without much...damage..."

"You cheep..."

"Heh, you don't understand do you...? Trust me, you won't have to worry, you'll die, this creature is much more than anything that you've seen before. He won't take long to kill you!" The voice cut off, and the creature made its move.

It leapt at us, its speed catching us by surprise.

Its fist flashed out and caught Vincent under his chin, sending him sprawling to the floor.

I stared, and I couldn't move.

Vincent stood slowly, his fists trembling.

His gun came out in a flash, and two loud 'cracks' pierced the air.

The thing dodged the bullets and came at him again.

Another swing, and Vincent ducked, but got a knee to the gut as he dodged the large fist aiming for his head.

He choked a little, and fell to the floor trying to recover his lot breath.

The thing turned to me and I shivered as its sightless eyes caught mine.

A low growl came from deep in its throat cut the silence like a dagger, and I was rooted to the spot where I stood.

It came at me, and I waited, eyes closed, ready for it to send me spiraling to the other side of the room.

Just as the thing was going to put me out of my misery, I heard a single gun shot, and the thing tumbled to one side, slamming into the claw-foot chair, shattering it, and sending pieces of wood flying, screeching while it held its shoulder.

I snapped out of my trance, and ran to the other side of the room, and picked up the heaviest object at hand, which turned out to be a chair leg, that had come from the claw-foot chair.

I raised it like a sword, and waited its next move.

It rose, and Vincent took a forth shot at it, but it dodged it and kept coming.

It didn't go after Vincent, it went after me, and I waited for it to come into range of my modified sword.

As it got close, I stepped forward, and swung the leg like a baseball bat, hitting it in the ribs, causing it to stumble back.

Vincent took one last shot, and put the bullet between its eyes, and blood gushed everywhere, but it lay still, and did not move.

We where both panting from the fight, and Vincent was getting some nasty bruises on his neck, from the punishment the creature had administered on him.

We ran to the next room, and found that it had a sign on it.

It read "Hojo's SECRET LAB" and it had a warning sign that said that it was dangerous in the lab, and that people weren't allowed in without authorization.

When we got to the door, the intercom spoke to us in a peeved tone, telling us that we where not welcome into the lab.

"Why don't you just die already? You know you will in the end, why delay? What is the great rush to save the girl anyways? She's my plaything... And I don't want you taking her back! Now go away!" The voice said, agitated and annoyed.

"No. We came all this way, we intend to finish what we started." Vincent said.

"So... You wish to die by my hands? Very interesting... You have guts to face me in my own world... I think I'll like playing with you two... Vincent especially, after all, he was one of my test subjects before." Hojo's voice sneered over the intercom.

The door unlocked, and swung open.

"Come in and die... If you DARE!" Hojo said cackling madly, in a tone that resembled mild amusement.

The inside of the lab room was very dark, even the dim light from the hall could only penetrate only a few feet in.

We stepped into the room, and darkness engulfed us.

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Aeris' lips twitched into a smile, for she knew that in thirty minutes she'd be the most powerful thing in the entire world, and that made her happy.

She took out a long handled dagger, and placed it into the Life Stream, just on the edge, so that the blade bathed in it, but not enough to lose it.

Her prayers intensified, and the orb grew so bright that it would have blinded anyone who looked directly upon it.

The power was palpable now, like and electrical current that was being sent through the air, causing her hair to stand on end.

The sky had darkened outside, and the temple grew dark, and only the light of the orb made the room bright as it was during the day.

The trees started to sway in nonexistent wind, and the water began to bubble, and froth from unknown force.

The earth around her began to respond to the song, and slowly it was letting out the powers of Holy.

The blade in the Stream began to glow slightly, and the glow grew with the light of the orb, and soon both where brighter than the sun.

And then, abruptly the light vanished, leaving behind a faint light that pulsed slowly to some unheard beat.

"_Alas! The time is near for the sacrifice!_" Aeris' eyes snapped open as she thought this, and she turned to face the blonde haired young man who lay unconscious on the floor not three feet behind her.

"_Soon._" She crooned, lifting the dagger from the frothing Stream waters.

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Vincent and I stumbled through the absolute darkness, and tried to find our way through the room.

"This is the final game, it is called, Catch Me if You Can! The rules are very, very easy. All you must do is get through this dark room and find the door that leads to the room that I am in. Got it?"

"Yes." Vincent and I said in unison.

"We'll have him yet!" I said, as I tripped on a thing in the darkness.

"We don't know what he'll do to her by the time we get there though..." Vincent said, the concern evident in his voice.

"We'll get him before he can do anything bad to her Vincent! Don't worry!"

"We can't be sure of that." He replied, his tone slightly sour.

For the next twenty minutes, we stumbled around in the darkness, until we found a door.

Vincent put his ear to the door, and listened.

"This isn't it." He said.

We searched some more, and finally we came to a door with activity behind it.

"This is it... We've found him..." Vincent said as he backed away from the door.

"This will be the final encounter, and then we shall see who is victorious and who is the loser." I said, the fear sticking in my throat, making it sound as if I where whispering.

"Yes... This is it..." Vincent replied, and lifted his hand to the doorknob, and twisted it quietly.

It opened without a sound, and we found Hojo standing over Yuffie, a slight frown upon his face.

"Why did you have to go like that?" He said quietly, looking down at the table she was on.

"Why? Why? So young, so... innocent... And yet you are... Gone?" He looked up to see the two of us in the doorway.

He smiled at us, and then motioned for us to come in.

"I give my condolences..." He said with a fake tone of sorrow and a smile plastered on his lips.

"What? What's going on...?" Vincent looked at the table, and his mouth fell open.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23: Parting; Such Sweet Sorrow

The time had come, and Aeris was ready.

She pulled Cloud's unconscious form to the edge of the Life Stream, and readied her dagger.

"I give you, Holy, the blood of the One. He who is to end all evil, let his blood be the binding of the ultimate sacrifice. For this, I am to gain limitless power. Let his blood be the sacrifice to open the gate to the land of the spirits, where eternal power lays in wait for someone Pure of heart to take it, and use it to stop all evil. I give thee this sacrifice as the price of Power. The one I love, for the boundless powers you conceal. So mote it be!"

With that, the dagger fell, puncturing the chest of the blonde, spilling his blood into the Stream, and where it touched, the waters hissed and bubbled.

She let out a single peel of laughter, as the blood flowed into the stream, opening the rift between two different worlds.

She waded out into the Stream, and let his blood drip into the water, and slowly the water around her formed a black pool, and it began to swirl and spin, slowly turning into a vortex, and pulling her in, but there was one last step for her to finish, and that was to take the heart and to drop it into the Falls, where the Portal would open.

"One last step, and I'll be done!" She said, as she waded out of the Stream, and put Cloud down on the ground.

"I have only a few hours before the dawn, and that is when I shall do it... As it is told in the story of the Cetra."

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Vincent gaped at the body on the table.

I stared, unsure of what would happen next.

"She's... You... I'll... I'll kill you!" Vincent said, a single tear running down his face, and onto the collar of the red cape he always wore.

"Like I said, my condolences... She was less hearty than I thought... Fun while she lasted though..." Hojo said with a sadistic grin on his ugly stretched face.

Vincent leapt at Hojo, and Hojo just stepped aside.

"My, my... Temper, temper!" Hojo said, waggling a slim finger at Vincent who lunged at him again.

Hojo merely side stepped again, and watched Vincent crash into a table.

"You shouldn't let anger fog your vision and judgment Vincent!" Hojo scoffed.

"I can't believe you did that!" I said, looking at Hojo.

"You murdered her! For what?" I continued.

"I have my reasons... But I have no need to tell them to you, for you'll be dead, and it will be a waste of breath." He said, again dodging Vincent.

"I created you Vincent! I know all your tricks... You can't possibly think that you'll beat me..." Hojo said, this time striking Vincent as he stepped aside.

Vincent hit the wall and stumbled back.

"You're just as weak and miserable as I heard that you where Mr. Valentine. How do you expect to return to your own world when you can't even hurt me?" Hojo said, giving a gruff laugh.

Vincent gave a single smile, and looked back at me.

"Get Yuffie... I want you to leave with her... I have some business with this man. Leave it to me. Just get her out of here."

"Why do you care about her dead body? She isn't even worth saving."

"I will not let you keep her body. You can't keep her." Vincent replied, the smile still gracing his lips.

I went to the table, and looked down at Yuffie's still form.

Even in death, she looked alive; she looked like she was asleep, not dead.

I gave a slight tremor as I went to lift her off the table.

Hojo gave me a strange look.

"What do you think you're doing with that?" He said, his face angry, his teeth bared.

"Don't take your eyes off of your enemy!" Vincent said, raising his gun.

Hojo gave a snarl, and turned back to Vincent.

"Don't try my patients! You're nothing compared to the power of the thing that is inside me!"

I started to lift her up, her head falling back, and shaking as I moved away from the table.

I felt a chill settle deep in my heart, and knew that I felt bad that this had ever happened.

I backed away, holding Yuffie bridal style.

"Go... Get out of here...!" Vincent said, an edge in his voice that I didn't like.

I turned, and left quickly, entering the darkness of the next room.

I heard a few muffled words, but did not stop to try to make them out.

I ran through the darkness, and as I entered the hall, I felt an odd pressure that made me stumble, and I almost dropped Yuffie.

I knew what had happened, and I didn't like it.

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Vincent had gone Chaos, his body a pale grey, his eyes yellow, and his hair spiking out of a red helmet like thing. Wings protruded from his back.

Hojo gave a sigh.

"You think that, that thing can stop me?" Hojo asked, his hand going into his pocket, and drawing out a syringe.

He drove it into his arm, and pushed the plunger down.

He gave a scream of pain, as his body began to transform.

His body elongated and paled to a white color.

His arms and legs shrank into his body and he grew a tail.

But before his mouth could vanish, he said one last thing.

"You shall feel the power of Jenova. Fear it..." And then his mouth sealed up, never to open again.

Chaos lifted its hand into the air, and a gun materialized into his hand.

Jenova lunged at Chaos, and its tail slammed into his body, but Chaos didn't fall.

His claw flashed out, and slashed at Jenova, but Jenova leapt away.

Chaos aimed Death Penalty at Jenova, and a beam of black and white light blazed from the barrel.

Jenova let out a blast of energy, and absorbed the shots, and it lunged at Chaos.

Chaos dodged Jenova's tail and leapt up into the air.

His wings spread, and his eyes flashed, Death Penalty pointed at Hojo.

They clashed again and again, and the room beginning to crackle with the energy that was being released.

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Aeris had dragged Cloud's body to the summit of the waterfall, and was preparing for the final step.

She lifted the dagger, and drove it into Cloud's chest, and began to extract the heart.

"This is it! I will be the most powerful being in the multiverse!"

As she pulled out Cloud's heart, she gave a slight jolt of recognition, but it faded just as quickly as it had come.

She went to the edge of the falls, and took the heart, tossing it off the falls, and then sending the body down with it.

She then began the decent to the bottom, so that when the gate opened, she could enter.

When she reached the bottom, the gate began to swirl, and darken.

She gasped in anticipation.

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Chaos and Jenova clashed for the umpteen millionth time.

The room was now sparking with energy, and with each clash, arcs of electricity shot through the air.

Chaos finally gained the upper hand, when a collision caused Jenova to crash into a wall.

Death Penalty shot its ray of death, and it struck Jenova in the middle.

Jenova gave a final lunge that sent Chaos through a wall, and collapsed to the ground, defeated.

Chaos got up slowly, and a red aura surrounded it, and it changed back into Vincent, who looked a little worse for wear.

He staggered over to Jenova and looked down at it.

"Rest in Hell you scum." He said, blasting it with Peace Maker, and then collapsing to the ground, darkness overtaking him.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24: Goodbye

The world gave a slight pulse as the death of the one who tortured it had reached it.

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The wave reached the Temple, and the ground began to quiver.

Aeris stood watching the Falls part, the entrance to the eternal power opening, and emitting a soft green glow.

She then saw the body that was floating in the water near her.

Aeris' eyes widened.

"_What have I done?_" She asked herself, looking down at the bloodied dagger in her hand.

She ran to Cloud's body, and knelt beside it.

"_I did this to you... All for something I would never really want... Oh help me!_" Tears streamed down her face, and she flung herself onto his body, and cried, cried for all the sins that she had committed, and all of them because she had WANTED TO.

"_I would never want to do these things, and yet here is the evidence so clear in front of me... Why...?_"

Then she had an idea.

"_I will use the power to right all this mania! Then I can forgive myself!_" She stood, determination in her eyes, as she went into the cave, and the Falls closed behind her.

She walked up to the alter of the Falls, and found the power in a tablet.

She read it out loud and felt the power flowing through her.

"_I wish that all this was right!_" She thought, sending the power out to the world, and hoping that it would work.

Then she turned, and left the Falls to mourn Cloud, and to bury him.

But when she went to kneel beside him, she found that he was alive.

His blue eyes looked up at her, and he gave an odd smile.

"What am I doing here?" He asked.

"I brought you here." Aeris said, looking afraid.

"Why are you afraid?" He questioned, seeing the look in her eyes.

"Because of everything that I have done." Aeris said tears starting to flow once again down her cheeks.

"Why are you alive?" She asked, shaking her head.

"What do you mean?"

"I... I... Killed you... And yet you are talking to me now. Why?"

"You killed me? Then how am I alive?" He asked.

"It must have worked! We need to go to the Highwind." Aeris said, tugging his hand, and running toward the ship.

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I got a strange feeling, and a laid down Yuffie, and ran to the room where I left the two enemies fighting.

It took me minutes to find the room, having traveled the route several times.

I entered the lab, and found one wall partially collapsed, and two forms still amongst the rubble of the room.

I ran up to Vincent, and knelt beside him.

He gave a groan, and turned to look at me.

"Why're you here?" He asked, squinting.

"I got a feeling..." I replied.

I helped him to his feet, and he leaned against me for support.

We walked through the maze of the lab, and returned to the room where I left Yuffie on the ground.

But for some reason she was standing up.

"What's going on?" She asked.

We both jumped six feet in the air, and turned to see who had spoken.

"YUFFIE! What're you doing standing?" I said, looking confused.

"What do you mean why am I standing up silly?" She replied, not understanding that she had been dead just minutes before.

Vincent just stared at her, and then he just folded her up in his arms, squeezing a little to hard, as if he was checking to see if she where real.

"Vincent?" Yuffie asked, not sure of why he was hugging her.

"I'm just so..." He searched for the word, "Grateful... Happy that you're alive." He said, still holding her.

Then she started laughing.

"Oh, Vincent... I love you!" She cried, hugging him back, and smiling.

"I'm sorry to break up your reunion, but we have to get back to the real world in about six minutes, or else the guard shift will catch us." I said.

"Yes... Lets go." Vincent replied.

We went back to the place that we had come from, and we found the portal back.

We arrived in the airtight lab room in the real world, and I took in a breath of recycled clinic air.

"It feels good to be back home again." I said, opening the door to the room, and leading the others out.

We ran through the building, and left, and as we passed the guardhouse, I waved to my friend, and he just nodded.

We got into the Beamer, and rode to the apartment, hoping that things would be okay there.

But no one was there.

We went to the port, and found that the Highwind had left, and we where not sure where it had gone.

We sat there, in the darkness of the night, and we fell asleep in the car.

The next morning (well afternoon) the ship was back at port, and the group was getting off.

We piled as many as could fit into the Beamer (five) and the others got into the Viper and when we returned, we parked the Viper three blocks away, and left it there, with the keys under the seat.

Aeris was still sad, but things would change that night.

When we turned on the news, the reporter was looking shocked at the message he was sent.

"Um... Well folks... This is a might strange, but... This just in... Twenty-three people just up and leave from the morgue, even after being declared dead... The morticians heard strange banging noises and cries for help from the freezer. Upon opening, the twenty-three people left the freezer, and wondered why the where in there in the first place. Is this a Night of the Living Dead? Or just a large problem with the hospital systems... The world may never know..." The news anchor said, shrugging his shoulders.

The group laughed about it, just grateful that they where alive.

Then an awkward silence fell over the room.

"I think you have a lot of explaining to do Sir Edward!" Yuffie said, poking me hard in the chest.

"Uh...? Sorry?" I said.

"Yah... You made me a fucking cheerleader! What the hell is up with that?" Cloud said, his tone icy.

"Hey! Don't forget that you made me kiss Cloud! Twice! Not to mention the fact that I was GAY!" Cid said, taking a cigarette out of his pocket, lighting it, and taking a puff.

"And worse of all... Aeris... She's traumatized! You don't know what you've done to her!" Tifa said, her fist ready to strike.

"Gah! Don't hurt me!" I cried, ducking the punch that would have probably split my skull.

"No Tifa! Don't hurt him... He didn't make me that psychotic. It was Hojo!" Aeris' voice sounded small, and distracted.

"Aeris... I have something that might help you." I said, drawing out a small metal object from my pocket.

"Just look into the light, and you'll forget all this horrid stuff."

I flicked it open, and held it in front of her face.

"Where the hell did you get that?" Vincent asked.

"I bummed it off of one of the guys from Men in Black... It's a memory modifier."

Aeris looked at me.

"Will it work?"

"Absolutely."

"Okay..." she said.

"Just look at this little light, and don't look away."

"Okay."

I pressed the button, and a flash of red light lit Aeris' face momentarily.

She stood there, staring at the thing, and I smiled.

"What happened this week was very simple... You had an enjoyable vacation, and now you'll be returning to your world to go do what ever it is that you wanted to do." I said, snapping my fingers in front of her nose.

She blinked, and then she turned to Vincent.

"This was a fun vacation wasn't it?"

"Yes, it was very... Intense." He replied.

**The END!**


End file.
